Last Friday night, around 8 p.m. I started feeling bad. I had a headache that wouldn’t go away. My joints and body were kind of aching and I had the creepy-crawly-skin-feverish-I’m-getting-the-flu feeling. I laid awake most of the night because I was feeling worse and worse and starting to get the chills. I couldn’t get warm no matter how many blankets I heaped on top of myself.
Then, I started thinking that maybe my boob was kind of hurting. And, then it dawned on me! Mastitis! So, I got out of bed at 3 a.m…..shivering and moaning and researched it on the Internet.
Something about Staph infections. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars. Get to a doctor immediately. Get on antibiotics.
Great. Great. Great. Great. I was in Austin—no military base there, and it was the weekend. Okay, I figured. I will call Randolph AFB in San Antonio and drive down there if I have to. I was feeling so so miserable that I couldn’t imagine HOW I would manage to drive down there…but whatever.
I started with the Help Line.
Me: I think I have mastitis and I need to be seen and get on antibiotics and my boob is really hurting and I feel like I’m going to die and I have to take care of a baby and my husband is deployed and I don’t want to die of a staph infection and I’m in Austin and HELP ME! *sob*
Helpful Nurse Line: Oh. I’m sorry. I’m just the answering service for the nurse help line
Me: Well, when will the helpful nurse arrive?
HNL: They are actually closed on the weekends.
Me: Is there a different number I can call?
HNL: I don’t know.
I dial the number for the Randolph Clinic.
Randolph Clinic Answering Machine: We are only open Monday through Friday from 2 a.m to 3 a.m. Now screw off and quit getting sick and bothering us!
I dial the number for Tricare.
Tricare Answering Machine: We are open Monday through Friday from 3 p.m. to 4 p.m. Sorry Suckas!!!! Fend fo’ yourselves and don’t call us.
I start calling urgent care clinics in Austin. Shaking and sweating and holding my aching neck in one hand and my aching boob in the other.
Me: Do you take Tricare?
Urgent Care Clinic 1: No.
Repeat for FOUR Urgent Care Clinics and Austin Regional Clinic.
Look!! All I need is an antibiotic. I’ve already diagnosed myself on the Internet and I know that’s what I have. [Don’t laugh. I always diagnose myself and I’m always right. John—quit making fun of me. You know its true].
I finally just went and got in line at some walk in urgent care center. Had Becca’s whole car seat covered in blankets because God Forbid she catch anything NASTY. (Like the lady who walked in and said "I’m feeling even worse than a few days ago and now I can’t hear!")
The doctor rubbed my boob and said "you have mastitis!" DUH.
I paid 88 dollars and 11 dollars for my prescription.
[ I feel much better now, thank you].
So, how, may I ask is this supporting the troops? I’m sick as a dog, my husband is deployed, I am still all jacked up from giving birth and breastfeeding and now they just want me to die and shrivel up because I don’t have the sense to get sick Monday through Friday.
Dear Tricare,
Y’all bitches owe me 99 dollars.
With Much Hatred,
Katie
Aging is for the weak, and everyone else
2 months ago
10 comments:
What sucks is that noone would take tricare! I completely understand the self diagnosis. If nothing else, you need to have some clue, so you have the correct questions to ask. I hope that you are feeling better.
i'm so glad you're feeling better! how scary!
on a completely different note, you are hysterical.
Katie,
Sorry to hear about that. I know things always happen at the worst time. Angela's been there and done that.
With regard to Tricare, I think you can still file the get reimbursed. Of course, you would have to call from 3 pm to 4 pm on the 2nd Tuesday of the 3rd month, but not the 1st Tuesday, because they are closed for training and a party.
Anywho, you should be able to mail the receipts to the bill collection department with a letter and get reimbursed. I hope. The only reason I know is through battles myself. Hope this helps and I hope you feel better.
Joel
You are SO damn right about the third tuesday of every month is party time and we don't work. Except, Lord knows my husband's squadron works 16 hour days all the time. What is it with the military???
It just gets better and better for you doesn't it? Just kidding. I hope you are feeling a million times better.
Lysandra
My friend Liz told me today that she has that, then I showed April your blog and she had the same thing. I never realize how common it is! 3 people in 12 hours have said something about it. I am so sorry and hope you are feeling tons better now that you are on drugs!
You had me absolutely cracking up! Holy cow!! Not that I'm laughing at you, but your writing is hilarious. You need to write a book. . . I would buy it. And yes, Tricare sucks - that's the luxury of socialized healthcare. Hang in there and kiss Austin (the city)for me.
ok - that last blog was from me, the anonymous one. -Laura
Oh...we don't have the luxury of true socialized medicine! It it were, I would have been accepted anywhere and I would not have paid 99 dollars!
Katie, you are one fun writer! I loved reading your blog. Impressed by both your and John's sense of humor and originality in creating April Fools jokes! Impressed at your spending the energy on it, too! Wish I'd had the chance for a real talk at the shower. Loved the pics & love YOU!
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