Friday, April 14, 2006

And the award for 'Worst First Nursery Experience' goes to.....

...KASHLEY!

That's right. We put our babies in the nursery at church for the very first time. But, before I get to that, first I have to prove to you what complete tools we are. The Bopsy Twins strike again!

We went shopping together the other day (really we meant to go to the hike and bike trail around Town Lake, but I heard the weatherman say that we would have hail storms, so we went to the mall, although it actually turned out to be perfectly sunny and nice all day). Damn, that was a long sentence. I need a nap.

Anyway--as I was saying...we went to the mall to "walk" and get exercise. HA! Instead we found ourselves eating pizza in the food court and in Baby Gap buying matching easter bunny outfits for our babies. See? Tools, I tell you!

God, this is so embarrassing.

We met at church last night for a service and brought the babes for a photo shoot in their matching outfits. Don't even ask.
Hey, Becca. I bet our moms don't see that cockroach down there.

All went well out on the front lawn of the church. Both babies seemed happy.

Brace yourself, RJ! They're bringing out the cameras again.


Then....dun dun duuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnn. We checked them into the nursery. For the very first time. Ashley and I were totally nervous about it, but we steeled ourselves and told ourselves it was time to grow up and be big girls. We arrived at the reception desk where there were two obviously incompetent looking teenagers. A skater boy with long scraggly hair dressed in some grungy ass clothes and a teenage girl, who looked no more than 12. Another teenage girl emerged from the back. She might have looked about 14. She was probably in the back doing meth or something.

We told them we were nervous, this was our first time leaving our babies. The boy said, "we've never had babies this young before." Now. Why didn't we just grab up Becca and RJ and make a run for the border at that point? I am still asking myself that question on an hourly basis. Ashley's husband, Ryan, said "do you think it will be a problem to watch them?" And the incompetent looking boy said it wouldn't.

They gave us these cool pagers to take with us into church. They said they vibrate if you need to come down to the nursery for any reason. That really helped my mental state because I would know if they weren't buzzing us that things were going well. I handed Becca to one of the girls, wondered if she'd washed her hands after doing meth, gulped, and said, "if she starts really screaming, please buzz me." Ashley was trying to explain how to mix formula to the 12 year old, who was looking thoroughly perplexed. I was asking the14 year old if they had sheets for the scary institutional-looking cribs. She said, "oh yes. We have washed sheets."

We left our precious babies with those KIDS. And we went into church. Suddenly I had a low blood sugar crash of magnificent proportions. I think my nervousness must have eaten up my entire low carb, high protein dinner. I should not have had such a quick crash after eating. So, I went frantically searching around the church for something. ANYTHING to eat. I found a coke machine and chugged a Dr. Pepper faster than I've ever chugged anything in my life (save for the occasional beer bong in college, but you didn't want to hear about that, did you?).

I got back to the pew and looked at Ashley. She looked like she was barely holding it together, clutching that pager for dear life. I was all frazzled and shaky looking after running up and down the church halls trying to find that coke machine! The service commenced and this, my friends, was all I heard in my head:

Church stuff, Blah blah blah

oh my god I wonder if those kids know what they're doing and I know its Becca's bedtime and I don't think she'll go to sleep somewhere so weird and I wonder how many more kids showed up and they better not let any 3 year olds touch our babies and they better just leave them in the swings instead of carrying them around too much because they may not know what they're doing and oh my god Ashley looks like she's going to cry now I'm going to cry...

Church stuff, blah blah blah

but they haven't paged us so things must be going well gee this feels really good its like I'm a real parent now and I can actually leave my baby in the care of someone else and not have to worry about her I wonder if these damn pagers even work what if it doesn't work oh no....

Church stuff, blah blah blah

why is this service still going on we all know the damn story already hurry up hurry up hurry up...


Then, I caught Ashley's eye and grabbed a big handful of my spare tire on my stomach and jiggled it to make her laugh. It didn't really work. I kept asking her, "Should we just go down there?" But we didn't.

Afterwards, we rushed the hell out of the sanctuary and down to the nursery. I asked where Becca was and one of the kids pointed to a room. I went in there and saw her laying on her side in one of the scary cribs sans sheet. [Eee gad! The germs!] She was laying on her side with eyes open. Completely still. That is not normal. I saw tears on her cheeks and her eyes were all red and she was gasping for air every few breaths. She was making these shuddering sounds she makes after screaming really hard. I picked her up and she was totally limp and covered in sweat.

I said to the boy, "my pager didn't go off!" He said, "Oh yea. Sometimes they don't work."

Silence.

I said, "Are you kidding?" He said, "Yea."

Silence.

Becca gave my dad a weak smile and then took a couple more gasping shuddering breaths. One of the girls said, "we had like four babies in here and they were all like quiet for like 2o minutes and then, like they all like started like crying at once." I know there were four babies, and some toddlers and only three incompetent teenagers. So, I am picturing the mayhem when all four babies started crying. That also means (yes, I can add up minutes, even when distressed) that the babies were crying for about forty five minutes.

I went in to the other room to see how RJ had fared and Ashley looked at me, really crying this time, and said "he's lost his voice he's been crying so much." He had red rimmed eyes and was still trying to regain his composure. He was also covered in some kind of dirt and purple stuff. It was all over the front of his outfit and his hands. One of the incompetents said, "oh, we don't know what he got into."

Ummmmm...he's FOUR MONTHS OLD! He doesn't move! He doesn't just GET INTO THINGS. And, furthermore, even if he was moving around, shouldn't you KNOW where he is at all times?

Becca fell asleep the minute she got in her carseat, but she continued to make that gasping sound for the whole ride home!

So, gentle readers, you can assume that Kashley will no longer be requiring the services of THAT nursery. We thought since it was a weeknight service it would be a good time to start the nursery thing. We figured there wouldn't be as many kids there (which was right), but what we didn't figure was that they wouldn't have anyone who knew what they were doing as caretakers.

We still don't know what got all over RJ. Was some older kid stepping on him? Coloring on him? Did they just lay that sweet baby down in some kind of dirt puddle? Nonmobile babies just do not get dirty like that. Its very fishy. I need some kind of investigative reporter to figure it out for us. Once Becca wakes up for her nap I'm going to check her for bruises. Seriously. I am.

So, for Easter services I will just be standing around holding Becca and not hearing any of the service because I'll have to take her out because she'll be too loud, but that is fine with me! Its not like I heard any of the service last night anyway.
Good thing we have each other, because we obviously can't trust our parents.

Update: I talked to the person in charge of the nursery and she mentioned there was supposed to be an adult in charge there that night. I think that was the problem....the adult apparently didn't feel like showing up that night. In other words, the adult was acting like a teenager. INCOMPETENT.

6 comments:

Jen said...

Oh My God, that's horrible! I can't imagine. That clears it up: we are definitely staying in the cry room at church. No nursery for Kate! The first nursery I put Kate in was the CDC on base here and it went really well. They are totally professional, have cameras in the rooms, and only about 2 kids/adult, I think. I hope all bases are like that.

Anonymous said...

that is so sad! I was frightened reading your description of the kids watching the kids. Who doesn't think to put at least one adult in there to delegate!!!!

Katie said...

Okay. I complained to the nursery person in charge and she said there was supposed to be an adult there and she's going to look into it. She was horrified and very apologetic!

Anonymous said...

Oh My God! I am definitely never leaving my kid again anywhere. Oh I can't imagine Mikey crying so long that he went limp. I am so digusted. I am so sorry.

Anonymous said...

That's terrible. I was just thinking at EAster that I need to start putting AShlyn in the nursery. Now, you've got me reconsidering. The cry room will be just fine.

Anonymous said...

Okay so reading that just made me want to vomit again. I had the worst knots in my stomach for a day after that experience! I still think some toddler stepped on my son's belly! I really wonder when I will be brave enough to take him back to that nursery-- maybe when he can talk and can tell me what happens in there!