Sunday, December 03, 2006

Spaz Girl Goes to Church

So, do you want to hear about how I flashed my boob at church? It was really the low-point of my weekend. You'll have to read in chronological order, though. Ha ha!

Thursday I went to see Allen return from 16 months in Iraq. It was totally emotional. When he left, his little daughter was 7 weeks old. She is now a year and a half. I can hardly think about that without tearing up. What a sacrifice their whole family has made.

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Welcome Home, Allen and all the other Stryker Brigade soldiers! For more, check out the "Harris Chronicles" from my list. For some reason, Blogger isn't letting me link to anything!

Friday night we attended a kids' party at one of the A-10 "hawg pens" and Santa drove up in an A-10 warthog.

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You didn't know Santa was a pilot? The party was......eh. It was in a giant hanger type building, which was great for the older kids who got to ride their bikes for the first time in months, but it wasn't really ideal for babies who want to toddle around in the puddles of jet fuel while their mommies are yelling something about a cancer factory.

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You should have seen us trying to keep these babes on the blanket and off the filthy floor!

Plus it was ass-cold in there.

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Becca sat on Santa's lap, and looked a bit confused, but did not cry!

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Saturday we got to see another movie. It was a Christmas miracle: our friends (who do not yet have children), Chris and Robyn, asked if they could come over and babysit while we went to see a movie. I almost fell down when I heard that. I asked John about a million times, "What do you mean, they offered? Like, you didn't ask them to?" I never would have offered to do that before I had kids. Never! Not in a hundred million years.

So, we went to see Deja Vu. I give it one star. Either I am way too dumb to understand the movie, or the logic was seriously flawed. I like to think it is the latter, because it just didn't make SENSE and I was trying very hard to understand that dumb thing. After the movie ended and the credits started rolling, we just sat there. We never do that. Ever. We jump up and try to get out of the theater before all the slow people block all the aisles, typing away on their stuipd cell phones and doing annyoing things like breathing on me.

Him: "Now I know who those people are who sit and watch all the credits."

Me: "Who?"

Him: "People with kids."

Today we decided to try out a new church. We just can't find one that is a good fit. We are traditionalists, especially when it comes to music. I absolutely cannot take praise band type stuff with words to the songs projected onto the wall (with none of the musical notes pictured--hello! some of us actually do read music!),drums and guitars in my Sunday morning church service. I am old-fashioned. I love pipe organs or real pianos that do not plug into anything. When I see amplifiers up on the "stage?" I am outta there. We can't seem to find a church with good music AND a good minister. Today was no different. There were violins and an actual choir this time, but, alas, also a synthesizer and guitar instead of just that pitiful unused grand piano accompanying. There was an organ, but the guy who played it looked to be about 119 years old and he played it so slow that he ruined every song.

Anyway. Back to the boob story. That's why you're still reading, right? I should never make fun of Britney. I just really shouldn't. I was reading a People magazine last night and shook a page in John's face saying, "Why would she go out in public with her bra just totally falling out of her shirt? She looks so trashy!" Cut to this morning, in the church lobby. I was wearing a classy cashmere wrap sweater. Classy. Ahem. *cough cough*

We were talking to a nice man. I was holding Becca. Wow! This church seems really friendly! Cool. Hey! Where's the nursery? Thanks! See you later.

We go into the nursery, I set Becca down and WHAM! I see that the left side of my wrap sweater has fallen down completely and my bra is totally hanging out. I mean....ALLLLL the way out. There wasn't just a strip or strap of bra showing. Oh no. It looked like I forgot to put the rest of my shirt on.

Me: "Oh my GOD! Was this going on....gulp...out there?"
Him: "Yes."
Me: "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?"
Him: "I couldn't think of a way to tell you without making a bigger deal out of it!"
Me: "Maybe we need to develop some kind of signal that could be used for this purpose in the future."

After I tucked myself back in and tried to recover a small measure of composure, we ventured back into the lobby where the really friendly guy asked us to sit with him and his wife. They were a nice older couple. We usually sit in the back row in church services and then high tail it out of there afterwards (are you seeing a pattern here?). So, they walked us in to their usual seat, which was in the front row.

Then, the man let his wife into the row and then I waited for him to go in next to her. But, no. He stepped aside and ushered John and me in next to his wife. Then, he sat on the other side of us. We felt trapped. It was like we were little kids having to sit between our parents. Except we didn't even know these people, and ten minutes before I had been showing this guy my entire left boob.

This church is located right downtown and they have a big problem with drunk homeless people around the area. One drunk woman came into the sanctuary and sat moaning in one of the front pews. It was awful. I felt so sad for her, but I also became paralyzed with a variety of fears (some drunk person is going to steal Becca from the nursery! What if that person throws up? How can I escape? I'm trapped between nice elderly boob viewing people!)

Bottom line: Not sure if we'll ever return to that particular church. Do you think Britney feels this way a lot?

13 comments:

The Quinn Report said...

I'm glad to hear that the troops in AK made it home. I can't even imagine what they had to go through.

I'm sorry about dropping the name in the last post. It didn't even cross my mind until it was to late. It won't happen again--sorry!

I always love a good boob story, very funny!

Katie said...

No problem!!!!

Katie said...

Just FYI, I am trying to keep our last name off this blog! That is what these comments are about. I want to remain *somewhat* anonymous! :)

Jen said...

How embarrassing! I have never had that happen, but about a year ago when we were at a squadron function, I guess I started leaking milk. Of course I was wearing a tight, dark t-shirt which accentuated it, but luckily Tim pulled me aside and let me know. I was mortified.

Sioux said...

haha Katie, you're no better than Britney, Lindsay and Paris in the nip slips!

Sioux said...

btw, you also should blog more this week so i can be entertained in the theater!

Anonymous said...

Molls, I've been communicatin' with ya! Wink! Wink!

Florida sucks, right?

molly said...

oh my gosh...that's so funny that it's making me late for work.

Jamie said...

Too funny about the boob incident.

Anonymous said...

bevo-
you know it!!!! i must say i'm quite relieved that it's not michigan. it's hard to beat the same team twice in one year. that's not to say we wouldn't win! :)
go bucks!!!
you and i should put a wager on next year's texas vs. osu, don't cha think? perhaps the loser should learn the winner's fight song word for word...

Anonymous said...

Molly Baby-
You're on, but you'd better send them damn words pretty soon - with Vince gone and Colt hurt, I ain't quite as quick as I used to be...

Please don't let them Horns know I'm cavortng with a Buck, OK?

BTW, them Hawkeyes suck, too!

Anonymous said...

bevo-
ha ha ha! you're secret is safe with me AND you've got a deal! mccoy will be ready for the alamo bowl, i'm sure. just tell your horns to gaurd him a little better so he can stay upright. :)
merry merry,
molly

Anonymous said...

bevo-
just heard that osu and texas aren't playing each other next year. (boy-o-boy, am i out of the loop!)
good luck against iowa - they're tough, but you're better.
-m