Drunken Noodle

Hi y'all! Did you miss me? Did you think I had fallen into a moving box and been packed in a truck bound for a storage unit on the East Coast? Nope. I'm in Texas. We made it. Made it to Texas in three pieces--me, Becca and Canyon (John is still on his way in the car through white-out blinding snow storms. Lucky boy.) Our luggage didn't make it and still isn't here. The trip was hellacious. I knew it wouldn't be easy to take a toddler who doesn't sleep in her car seat on a 17 hour trip all by myself with two layovers, but I didn't think it would be quite that bad. Afterall, Becca had her own seat. Plus, usually we have three layovers. It would be positively luxurious compared to the last trip we made.

I should have known the day wasn't going to go all that well when I learned the stupid "Spring Forward" was happening the morning that I was to be on a 6 a.m. flight. Then, Becca started out the day at 1 a.m. (sprung forward to 2 a.m.) and therefore we all woke up then and didn't get back to sleep until about 20 hours later.

The first (very short) leg from Fairbanks to Anchorage went well. I somehow hoodwinked the gate agent into checking Canyon all the way through, thus eliminating the need for me to recheck her in when I switched airlines...and it also saved me $300! On the flight Becca actually napped. I dozed. I got all smug thinking, "This is going to be so easy!"

Oh no. Our next flight was delayed by 2 hours. So, we wandered around the Anchorage airport for almost 5 hours, stressing out about how I would never make my next connection in Minneapolis. John called to say he was driving through a blinding snow storm and I could tell we both wished we were in the others' shoes.

Finally, we boarded the flight to Minneapolis. Becca was beyond tired. She fell asleep during takeoff and I thought, "YES! This is going to be awesome. I bet she will sleep for almost all of this 5 hour flight!" No. No no no no no. She slept about 25 minutes and then woke up in a tizzy! She would NOT stay in her damn carseat. She would NOT play with her toys--even the new ones I had been carefully hiding from her for days. She would NOT eat her snacks because she had already stuffed her face for the last 4 hours in the Anchorage airport. She just wanted "Dah! Gih Dah (get down)!" So, for about the next 3 and a half hours I tried to hold this squirming, whiny kid who would not be still. Hoist her up. She slithers down. Hoist her up. She slithers down. Repeat. Repeat. She punches me in the neck and pulls my hair. She grabs our neighbor's leg. She throws all toys in neighbor's lap. I felt like I was roping an angry rodeo calf.

Right about the time we were landing she fell asleep. I just sat there totally freaking out about how I would ever make my connection. You should have seen me, back in row 37 waking her up, and trying to rush off that airplane with a diaper bag, a loaded down backpack diaper bag with a baby strapped into it, another shopping bag with our winter coats and dog paraphenalia and a giant, heavy carseat trying to rush up that aisle. I was knocking Becca into everyone as she clung on to my back hoping not to fall out of the backpack because I was too rushed to get her in there properly. Yes. I have become that person. The heavily bedraggled parent dragging ten million pounds of baby gear down the aisle breaking everyone's knee caps and cursing under her breath.

Then, we ran across the Minneapolis airport. I had so many strange looks as I smashed into people on the moving sidewalks with a baby dangling out of this loaded down backpack, a car seat dragging behind, another bag roped around my neck. It was awesome. I loved it. I wish I could do that every day.

We got to the other gate right as they were boarding. No time for Becca to run around at all. Another long flight--this one 3 hours. Except this time, Becca was in even worse shape. She would NOT sleep at all, despite being as tired as I have ever seen her. We were those people. The ones who have the bratty kid who cries throughout the whole trip and then wanders up and down the aisle grabbing everyone's drink, trying to eat food off the airplane floor and touching everyone's legs. By the end of the trip, I had retreated to the empty back row where the nice flight attendants were trying to entertain Becca as she positively flopped all over. She had no control over her body. She was so tired she couldn't stand up, but she wouldn't sit still either. She was slithering and stumbling all over, crying pretty much nonstop. At one point I heard myself ask a flight attendant if they had any tranquilizer darts on board. I wasn't kidding, either. They didn't have any. But, they did give me a beer. (Perhaps give is too strong a word as it cost $5. It should be free for desperate people.)

We landed in San Antonio despite violent thunderstorms which finally put Becca to sleep--right before landing. This kid really loves landings! So, again, I had to wake her up and drag all our shit down the aisle one last time.

[The cool contraption I bought to turn the car seat into a stroller is a piece of crap. I thought I could avoid the hassle of gate checking a stroller. I thought it would allow me to roll the car seat down the plane aisle, but the aisle is too narrow, so the car seat just would not fit. I had to lift that heavy-ass car seat up over the seat tops. Not to mention the baby and the carryons. I think airlines should have car seats for loan that are on wheels and narrow enough to roll down the aisles. It is really nearly impossible for one person to do that by themselves!]

Canyon came out through the luggage door in pretty good shape, although she was so thirsty she drank about 10 gallons of water afterwards. I don't know how she made that connection. Our luggage didn't, of course. So, I am looking really retarded in my longsleeve winter clothes out in the 85 degree sunny weather...not to mention sweaty and unkempt due to the lack of my customary grooming products. But, we are here!

I really wish John had been with us, especially since today is his 33rd birthday and he is all alone in Haines, Alaska, probably still clenched up from his white-knuckled near death snowstorm drive from Fairbanks. Happy Birthday!!! I hope he is enjoying his last night in Alaska. We are enjoying his birthday in Texas. Last night I slept for 9 and a half hours. That is the longest I have slept in the last 2 years. It was beyond awesome. I really feel like I could sleep for about 2 days straight.

When I think about everything that we have gotten done in the last week I need to lay down for a minute. Moving is just exhausting. I am glad the hard part is over and now we can just relax in Texas for a while. John starts his 6 weeks of training in Dallas at the end of the month and then I will go househunting in early April. But, until then I plan to soak in the warmth and being with family. There is nothing like a harsh winter to make one appreciate the spring and nothing like being so far from family to make one appreciate being "home." (Even though we are now technically homeless.)