I am a raw bundle of nerves at the moment. I have just done the unthinkable. I am still shaking and trying not to crawl into a fetal position and die.
I just went across the street to a playdate/potluck with 7 kids and 3 mothers. And, no adult beverages were on the menu.
Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I am not cut out for that shit! At one point two of the kids were pulling each other's pants down and trying to photograph their bare asses. Six of of them were screaming. One was playing human monster truck by ramming himself into everyone and yelling at the top of his bratty 5-year old lungs. One had dog shit on her shoe. One baby was dumping an entire box of Cheerios on the floor while another one was gagging on cat food. Becca and I were kind of huddled in the corner, eyes as big as saucers, counting down the minutes until it wouldn't be rude to leave.
The decibel level alone was enough to cause some semi-permanent hearing damage. I am trying to calm down by enjoying a nice cold Michelob Ultra, but beer can only take you so far. I'm considering dropping anonymous birth control paraphenalia in the neighborhood mailboxes.
Aging is for the weak, and everyone else
2 months ago
15 comments:
Oh my God,that sounds like pure hell!
How long did you last?
I'm going to a play group on Wed. and now I am scared to DEATH...thanks!
Okay, so I clicked on you from Erin's blog, courtesy of Kelsey. Once I started reading, I couldn't stop! You are pretty much hilarious and your days are never dull!
Becca is an absolute doll and congrats on settling in your new neighborhood. God, I hope you meet some new kids/families/drinks soon!
Your anniversary post was the best I have ever read and seen!
Thanks for the entertainment- I hope it's alright that I continue to read.
Better.
Anonymous? Do you go by the name Mr. T sometimes?
Laura: of course I hope you continue reading! Thanks for commenting!
OH MY GOODNESS! I do believe you will have to be conviently busy for the next eternity or so on potluck nights! It had to make first Fridays look pretty tame huh?
I was going to invite myself to one of them with you, but I have since re-thought that!
I hate (yay-yay-YATE) playgroup things like that. They make me rethink the whole "deciding to be a mother" thing. So I don't go.
oh that sounds scary !!!!
and i just noticied we have the same wedding anniversary, although i am only 4 years !!
HAHAHAHAHA!!! Again, you have let your misery entertain me, thanks Katie! I hope you have some good excuses lined up and never get roped into hosting! You need to check out this article, http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19762056/site/newsweek/ Her writing style reminded me of you.
I think you need to definitely go with a play group where adult beverages are on the menu. And, maybe one where kids as old as 5 are playing in another room, so as not to disturb any of the adult beverages.
And, uh, you're hilarious!
Welcome to my world!!!! Sometimes I feel that is my house...without visitors!
For some reason, most kids go crazy at things like that. I don't remember doing that when I was little. I remember that adults always sending us outside! We spent all our time outside un supervised and nothing contructive. Now, parents feel like we always have to have something constructive for our kids. At that ends up driving us both crazy!
Holy crap! Nightmare! You were probably more polite than I would have been. Think they would have noticed me running away screaming? Does Becca have PTSD now?
Oh my. I have never been to a play group like that. Thank GOD. Glad you survived...
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