Happy Halloween!

Y'all. Seriously. I LOVE Halloween now. I don't know what happened. Maybe it is because I have a daughter who I can dress as a tiny ballerina (And, really? Does she LOOK like a princess? I don't think so. She looks like a DANCER, people!) Maybe it is because we live in a neighborhood with ten million kids walking up and down the sidewalks, full of glee. Maybe it is because it isn't 20 below zero. I don't know. But I found myself gazing at all the tacky Halloween decorations on some lawns around here and thinking "Maybe I"ll do that next year!" Thank God I came to my senses a few minutes later, but I did have a momentary lapse.

Unfortunately, I think I have transferred my fear of the awful Halloween holiday to my poor innocent baby who was terrorized by anyone in a mask. She was shaking and quivering and crying. It was truly pathetic.

She finally relaxed after we ditched the kid in the mask and struck out on our own for trick-or-treating. She did really enjoy the people who let her pick out her own candy (she always went for the plain Hershey bars despite me saying, "OOOOH! Reeses! Take those!")

John is threatening to throw away all the candy and I am threatening to send him to an insane asylum. Who throws out chocolate!? (With the exception of plain Hershey's. I might throw those out.) We let Becca have one small bag of M&Ms before bed and then I hid the candy from her and John. I'm hoping they'll forget about it by morning.

Where am I?

I know. I know. I haven't read anyone's blogs. I haven't updated my own. I guess normally I think I'm busy, but now I actually am busy. And tired. (For, lo, it is a concert week which means many rehearsals.)

Since this blog is just basically a forum for me to whine about how poorly my child sleeps, I will do just that! Last night she was up at midnight, 1:15 a.m., 3:30 a.m. and 4:20 a.m. when she was SCREAMING. And, here is the part that sucks about being married to a pilot--pilots have to get their sleep. Damn! So we both get all stressed out if we feel he isn't getting his sleep. I get stressed out if I think I am not getting my sleep. Just stress all around.

I took Becca into the guestroom with me where she just cried and cried for an hour. She kicked and thrashed. I gave her some Tylenol and finally, finally she fell asleep on me as I was sitting up with my back against the wall and my head dangling at a weird angle. Then, she woke up two hours later.

So. Now I have to go consume my body weight in coffee and figure out how to carve a pumpkin.

Speaking of pumpkins, I have a MAJOR announcement. I no longer hate Halloween. It is like a miracle occurred or something. I get to dress my little girl up as a ballerina. How can anyone hate that? Pictures will follow later! Have a safe night, everyone!

WHEW!!

What a trip. The main theme was FOOD. We ate. I mean, we ATE, y'all--and I'm not talking about vegetables. It seemed we would finally finish one giant meal and another would somehow appear. We tailgated at a surprise 40th birthday party for John's cousin, watched the Vols eek out a football win, drank some dranks. We didn't sleep. It was like college, only with more food and more toddlers.

Becca was in hog heaven. I hardly laid my eyes on her for four days as she ran around with a pack of boys. There were so many relatives around that I didn't even keep track of where she was. Someone, somewhere was watching her. It does take a village. And, the only person who loves having a village more than me is Becca.

The biggest adventure was trying to get home yesterday. After a three hour drive to Nashville, we had some trouble getting on a flight back. Everything was completely full. We were able to spend the afternoon at cousin Becky's house while we waited for a flight in the evening with more room. When we got to the airport at 8 p.m. last night, we were told the flight we wanted to get on was now full (it hadn't been just a few hours earlier). We decided to get an airport hotel for 6 hours until the early morning flight today.

But, at the last minute (after we dragged our luggage out to the hotel shuttle pick up area), John found out there WAS room on a flight out in 30 minutes. So, we ran back into the airport and through security and down to the gate (at 9:00 p.m. with people who have had NO sleep). At the gate we were met with a giant pack of people who had been diverted from somewhere else. We didn't get on. I was at my wits' end.

Finally, it turned out our original flight DID have room (I have no idea what was going on) and we got home at 2:30 a.m. Becca lost her shoes somewhere in the airport.

We were wearing filthy dirty clothes and were exhausted beyond belief. While Becca did sleep late that first morning in Knoxville, the rest of the time she was up at her normal early hours. Unfortunately, her parents stayed up past 1 a.m. every night. So, I am really wishing for my village NOW when I need to recover!

The Village Godfather (Uncle Jack) and his sister, Jo Anne

Knoxville Knews

Okay. Whatever is going on here in Knoxville, I'll take it. Becca slept this morning until 10 a.m. TEN IN THE MORNING!!!! That is the longest she has ever slept in her entire life--14 straight hours. I still woke up at 6:30 out of habit. Damn.

She is sleeping in a room with no windows. Total darkness. I've decided when I go home I'm going to line her bedroom windows in tin foil. So what that they are in the front of the house? I don't think our homeowners' association will care. Do you?

We're having a ball. Eating way too much southern cooking, laughing, talking....Becca is in heaven playing with the three little boys, jumping on the trampoline, running around like crazy. I am really on vacation, that is for sure.

Up to HERE

For Rent: One cranky toddler. Wakes up at midnight, 4 a.m., 5:30 a.m. and 6:11 a.m. Does not nap. Whines.

For Sale: One malfunctioning alarm clock that goes off randomly at 4:45 a.m. and does not stop beeping. Even when unplugged and thrown down the basement stairs, kicked and flung outside. May be possessed. Still beeping. Holy shit someone stop it.

Master Procrastinator

I just realized we're leaving for Knoxville at the crack of dawn on Thursday for a family reunion with John's mom's family. As in, I only have one more night after tonight to prepare--and tonight is shot because I need to go to bed (see also: No Nap). Also, tomorrow night is shot because I need to go to bed (see also: Crack of Dawn). And, daytime hours are shot because I have a toddler.

Okay, so I didn't JUST realize we were leaving on Thursday, but I just realized the extent of my to-do list and it makes my head hurt. Why didn't I start that stupid to-do list YESTERDAY? And, why am I sitting here blogging instead of doing it TODAY? No one knows.

So, in the wonderfully lazy spirit of procrastination, I present more West Virginia photos! "For time is a river, rolling into nowhere...."*

My name is Becca and I am addicted to sippy cups.

* Steve Winwood, "The Finer Things" (Dammit. Now I have another one stuck in my head!)

The Latest from Nap Strike Central

Not again. Not this again. This whole thing we do--I put Becca down for her nap during the Becca pre-approved window, with lots of wind-down time and books and then I proceed to silence the entire house. The ringers on all phones go off. Canyon's collar comes off. The windows are shut, fans for white noise are turned on. I creep into my room, ready for a rainy day, allergy medication-fueled nap, and.......WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. She's awake. And pissed. She then screams for about 30 minutes after waking up, stiffening her legs as though in pain. Is it a tummy ache? Is it teeth? How many teeth can one kid get? After the 2 year molars are done? Dear Lord, tell me we are.

That was yesterday.

Today I thought I would counterattack with a dose of Motrin 20 minutes before naptime. Forty-five minutes after going to sleep.....WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. Then......silence. Blessed silence. Thank you, Motrin. They better not start recalling that, because I tell you there will be an uproar.

*****
So, normally I keep pretty busy doing a lot of nothing. Well, not nothing, but a lot of piddly tasks that have to be done to avoid living in squalor or famine or a homeless shelter. Lately, I've been kind of lazy about these tasks. I have been procrastinating greatly, despite my new task master. I am still busy, somehow, but I just feel I am not accomplishing anything. I feel behind in everything. As John says, "my shit is in the street." God, I love that phrase. It just cracks me up as I picture a pile of bills, a giant load of dirty diapers, the contents of the refigerator in various states of decay, three unfolded baskets of laundry and some painting dropcloths heaped out in the road, the neighbors clucking in dismay and shaking their heads sadly when they see me walk by.

"Almost Heaven, West Virginia...."

This is what happens when you take 200 photos in less than one day during the beautiful fall in scenic West Virginia. Your blog post becomes a long, overindulgent photo album. Your readers start nodding off in front of the screen while you're explaining, "And then we decided to take a hike. Wait. Maybe we ate breakfast first. Yes. We ate breakfast and then we drove....no. Maybe we drove first....Which was it?" Who doesn't enjoy long-winded discussions of other peoples' travels?

We took a spur-of-the-moment trip about 2 hours west of here to Harper's Ferry. What a beautiful place! Thomas Jefferson said, "The passage of the Patowmac [sic] through the Blue Ridge is perhaps one of the most stupendous scenes in Nature." I agree with him.

We stayed at the historic Hilltop House perched atop a bluff overlooking the confluence of the Shenandoah and Potomac Rivers. Here was the view from our window.

The hotel kind of seemed haunted. It got horrible reviews on TripAdvisor, but we decided to chance it. We're KRAZEE like that. Compared to many places we've staying in Alaska, it was quite nice! [Which really means we have stayed at some nas-TAY places in our time.] This one actually seemed clean, once we got over the stink bug and mud dauber and giant spider in the room.

The historic town of Harper's Ferry.

The train tracks as seen from our room. Before the sunset we were thinking it was so cool. Then, the trains started running all night and blowing their horns. All night. Every hour or so. Not much sleeping.

Botched Family Photo Attempt 134,456,567. Can you find Becca? Can you find the World's Cheesiest Posing Lady?

" Life is old there, older than the trees..."*

After hiking in the National Park

Cool stone foundations in the town

Still trying to get that elusive family photo....

"I hear her voice, in the morning hours she calls me..."*

Civil War battleground

Ummm...do you know where our kid is? No. Do you? Just say "cheese!"

Sleepy kid overlooking the Shenandoah River

Something about the light in October is magical for photo-taking. I could have put about 50 more pictures on here, but I felt the collective yawn from the readership, so I refrained.

*From John Denver's "Country Roads" which I couldn't stop singing the entire time we were there.

Diversion

Have y'all seen this? If you see the dancer turning clockwise, you are right brained and vice versa.

I see her spinning clockwise. This means I am more "big picture" oriented and more in the fantasy world of the right brain. Ummmmm....fairies! I see them! What is that large purple aura floating about the room? I am hungry for a giant buffet consisting of Brie cheese, popcorn doused with butter and fresh parmesan, gourmet olives and sourdough bread. Oh hello, Mr. Amadeus Mozart. Were you really such a freak?

What? Oh. Hi. Was I blogging?

Right. So, after determining which way she spins, see if you can change the direction of the spinning lady. I sat and stared for a long time before being able to change it. If I stare at the standing foot and zone out for a while, I can zone back in and change it to start spinning to the left. WEIRD! Fantasy world, indeed!

Which way does she spin for you?

I'll Make My List Tomorrow

Whew! It is so nice to know I'm not alone on the procrastination thing. I do love making up to-do lists, but then I never really get around to DOING the stuff, so then they never get crossed off and then I get discouraged. I dread looking at my to-do list because there it is. Everything I failed to do yesterday and the day before. Here is my new solution. This cool magnetic pad of paper. It has each day of the week and then a memo block at the bottom.

I am going to write everything I want to accomplish that week in the memo line and then divide it up among the days, putting no more than three things on each day. I have already filled in today's list.

I am going to work really hard to accompish those two things. And, I can always enlist my family to help me out.

All I Need...

...is a good kick in the ass. Also, a casserole of comfort food, preferrably with lots of cheese in it and maybe some cream of chicken soup, a bottle of wine, some reassuring words, and a KICK in the ASS.

I cannot seem to get motivated. I have a long list of minor projects that I have been needing to do for MONTHS. Make routine doctor and dental appointments, paint four more rooms, caulk some shit around the house, finish unpacking (hello! It has been almost 5 months since we moved in!), hang stuff on the walls, spray paint some shit, plant some more bulbs, wash my car. You know, responsible adult shit.

Every day I face the same cycle. Wake up, procrastinate, go to bed, berate self. Toss and turn making huge to-do lists for the next day. Repeat.

Well, I gotta run. I'm off to procrastinate for a few more hours!

You Too Can Grow Up to Be a Skanky Ho

WHAT is this? And, why is it wearing no clothes? I'm afraid you are looking at the latest addition to the Gallery of Regrettable Happy Meal Toys.

I really did mean to break up with McDonald's. But, deep down I guess I wish for the old days....the days when a Quarter Pounder with Cheese Meal was possibly the most delicious creation on God's green Earth. When will I grow up and realize that the bastard has changed forever? The nastiness factor is off the charts. It will never be the way it once was between us.

An Actual Weekend

Since quitting my job and since John started working every! single! weekend! I really don't like weekends much. No one updates their blogs. No one sends me emails (except you, Mom! Hi!) I guess everyone is too busy going out and having adventures. TV sucks, or just doesn't exist or looks like something resembling a contact sport. Stores don't open until impossibly late. The Today Show isn't on (the weekend version just doesn't cut it).

But! This weekend John was here for part of it! He was away Friday night, but I went to playgroup--which I have really started enjoying. Every week a baby cartwheels down a few stairs while the mommies are drinking wine. Don't hate me. It isn't my baby.

John came back on Saturday and we did yard work! ( I am convinced our neighbors were peeking out of their windows saying, "Mrytle! You have to come see this! These two fools are actually trying to cut down that 2-story butterfly bush with a pair of teeny clippers!") And then we grilled out on the deck, overlooking the newly shorn butterfly bush and wondering why it appeared so dilapidated. This morning we made bacon and strawberry pancakes (well, I made them while he tried to keep Becca from standing between my legs and the oven. NOT an easy job). We sat outside on the deck while Becca played.

We went shopping for sunglasses and out to eat (at a decidedly nasty little neighborhood cafe). It was great--well, except for the Maryland Crab soup and the dry pit beef sandwich! It actually FELT like a weekend. So, this is why people love weekends. I had forgotten. John did have to leave this afternoon, so Becca, Canyon and I drove over to a little park to take a walk and play on the playground.

On a side note: taking a walk with Becca is an adventure. She is fascinated by every single thing. Today we sat on the path and played with acorns, putting on their hats, and taking them off....for, like, oh........a loooong time. And I had to make her move on. I really think she could have sat there with those acorns the rest of the day. I finally encouraged her to put some in her pockets to take on our walk. Oh Lord. Then, we had to stop at every acorn on the path and try to shove it in her already chipmunk-cheek pockets. When she saw some squirrels she was frantically picking more acorns off the ground and running to offer them to the squirrels, who only climbed the trees and squawked at her. She was kind of bewildered.

But, these acorns were hand-selected!

So. That was our weekend. How was yours?

Sleep Deprivation May Not Be the Problem

Back when I was a new parent, foggy and sleep-deprived and confused and befuddled, I did some dumb things. With time, the sleeping got better and better, life got easier. Last night I slept 10 hours! Uninterrupted!

I woke refreshed, energetic and happy. I barely even needed any coffee this morning. I cheerfully loaded Becca into the car and drove off down the highway, going about 60 mph. About five minutes later, I saw Becca standing up in her car seat and trying to climb over the seat back.

I hope K-Fed doesn't come take custody of Becca because I was too high on sufficient good-quality sleep to buckle her into her carseat.

Musings

I think I just noticed we're not in Alaska anymore. No, it isn't that our license plates are changing over to (a very boring) white. It isn't that I haven't seen a moose in months. It isn't that I often find myself in 5 lanes of traffic going 80 mph. No, it is mostly because it is mid-October and I haven't pulled out a jacket yet. Here is Becca last October.


Today she has already been outside on the deck wearing no shoes. We're going to plant some tulip bulbs today. Tulips! There will be a spring sometime before next June. It is really quite amazing how the rest of the world works.

A big part of me will always miss Alaska. We really loved it there. It is a magical, different, enchanting, peaceful, wild, awe-inspiring place where I often found myself inhaling great breaths of cold air and marvelling at nature.

But, at this point, I'm thinking I like October in the mid-Atlantic!

What Goes On in Airline Bathrooms

Oh man. We're back home again. Home and worn out. I'm pretty sure Becca and I slept about half our usual amount while in Austin. Who goes on "vacation" and comes home worn out? Oh, right. Everyone.

Our favorite airline has changed their boarding practices. So, now the pre-boarders with children go on after the first boarding group, which really must seem a lot better to all those business people who get their boarding passes ahead of time and stand at the front of the line glaring at the mayhem that is pre-boarding. It does seem to make it go faster and I have no problem with it whatsoever. I really don't. Whatever gets us there.

The car seat? Now, that bitch DOES have a problem with it. You should have seen me trying to get that damn thing down the aisle to the back of the plane. I think I may need this contraption. Because I was schwacking every single aisle seat passenger on the way. And, any aisle seat that wasn't occupied, beckoned to Becca (hmmm....sounds like a rock band) and she climbed up and started making herself comfortable. Meanwhile, I had to turn around to grab her, thus smacking yet another person with the damn carseat. I tried having Becca walk in front of me, but then she started grabbing everyone's legs and not moving at all. People saw us coming and were ducking madly for the middle seats.

So. We got to our seats. Got all buckled down. Started off well. Until.....(dum dum DUMMMMMMM)....the poopy diaper. I am used to this airplane stuff now. I have a special little ziplock filled with wipes, diapers, disposable changing pads and antibacterial wipes for this very purpose. I expertly grabed it and Becca and headed to the rear lavatory. Where there was no changing station. "It is an older airplane," the flight attendant explains.

I guess babies didn't have poopy diapers back when it was made.

There was no way I was going to change it at our seats in a FULL plane. Right next to some poor lady. No way. The entire back half of the plane would have had to evacuate. They would have to just throw that airplane away and get another one.

This left only one option. The toilet seat lid. Now, you must remember, I am a Germaphobe. Big time. Especially in bathrooms and in airports and airplanes. So, you must imagine this. I am holding Becca, who somehow has no shoes on (I know! I have a baby Britney!) and trying to sanitize the entire area around the toilet and that nasty little shelf that is under it and has lots of mysterious puddles on it.

Then, I am carefully laying down the disposable changing pads. Then, I am laying Becca down on the toilet seat lid, head back against the wall, butt kind of resting on my legs, SCREAMING at her not to touch anything, because HOLY CRAP I didn't sanitize the walls.

I could go on, but I don't really want you to lose your breakfast. Plus, it is almost midnight and I really should go to bed. Only one small problem. John was totally AWESOME today--that isn't the problem, but I'm getting there-- and "fathered" while I took an hour and a half nap. It was heaven. Plus, he brought me dark chocolate M&Ms and Buffalo and Ranch Doritos at the airport. Then, we stopped at Five Guys for cheeseburgers and the best french fries in the WORLD. Then, I made a giant batch of nachos after Becca went to bed. And now, I can't sleep. Go figure.

Becca's Halloween Costume

Vampire Baby!

Here's the think about visiting my parents' house--Becca LOVES it. I love it! We have a wonderful time. My dad is constantly taking Becca off my hands to have wonderful adventures, such as digging for earthworms while wearing her dress shoes, seeing how many mosquito bites one child can get, playing in the sprinkler fully clothed and eating fistfuls of blackberry pie filling. While I spend significantly more time on clean-up duty, it is totally worth it!

National Lampoon's Family Surprise Party

My mom turns 60 on Tuesday. So, we planned a few surprises for her this weekend. It started with the well-kept secret arrival of the famous Bonnie! Bonnie and my mom have been best friends since the age of four. Bonnie flew in from Minneapolis yesterday and was hiding behind the front door when my mom walked in.

Mom closed the door and stood there talking to us all wondering why we were standing around grinning. Finally she caught a glimpse of someone and turned around. She did the best double take I have ever seen! Then, she screamed the loudest I've ever heard her scream! They hugged and cried and laughed and screamed. It was awesome. There is nothing like a childhood girlfriend to bring out the giggles!

We went out for dinner at Threadgill's--where Janis Joplin used to sing--and where they have the best garlic cheese grits and sweet potato french fries in existence. Meanwhile, our great friends Britt, Bill, Pat and Karen were setting up for a surprise party back at the house.

It was one of those, "we'll just keep it small and only invite a handful of her closest friends--no more than about 10 people" things. But it ended up with what must have been at least 30 people. I think she must have caught wind that a party was brewing--how could you not when almost all of us slipped up at some point, and one of us (ahem) was frantically running around cleaning the house and bossing everyone around--but I am pretty sure she didn't know exactly when/what/who would be involved. It was crowded and loud and hot and so much fun. Becca stuck around for a few minutes and then proceeded to sleep through all the noise.


People started trickling out until just a few of us were left. Craig, a colleague of Dad's from Australia, is an accomplished pianist, so we had a great sing-a-long (a longtime Carol and Bonnie tradition)!

Then, the party really got started.

Me and Meg. Meg is the one who originally dubbed my parents "The Griswolds."

Susan and her classmate, Lara, who is from Turkey.
Lara said we are more like the "Von Trapp" family singers.
We may have shocked her a bit.

Some of us were worse off than others. In other words some of us are out in the backyard swinging with their Grandpa...

or cooking pumpkin soup...


...while some of us (ahem) are sitting in this computer chair, sick of trying to fix the formatting on this thing, head in hands, craving a big basket of onion rings and
letting out the occasional moan.