I insist on getting a live Christmas tree every year not because I am fond of vacuuming up the dead needles, but because I am really fond of the pine needle scent that comes out of the vacuum the rest of the year. I love smelling pine/fir/spruce instead of dog dander.
Now I've taken down all the Christmas decorations, except for the barren and dying tree. Out of principle, I leave the decorations up until January 6th...the 12 days of Christmas and all that. Also, I just love the greenery and little white lights and Santas around the house and hate to take them all down. But, mostly I don't take my decorations down until the last possible second before the tree implodes in a flurry of dead needles because I can't figure out how we are supposed to dispose of the damn tree.
In Alaska, we just dragged our dead tree out the front door and dumped it in the woods on our property. Well, John dragged it and dumped it. I offered helpful suggestions from the front door..."A little further! The snow isn't that deep! Keep going!" Then, we spent the rest of the year looking out our living room window and seeing the dead brown tree on its side laying in the woods and saying to each other, "We really should go out there and drag it further off into the woods." But, we never did. We'd even invite our friends over and as they were surveying the yard, we would proudly say, "And, over there is last year's Christmas tree. See it? It is the dead brown pile right there off the deck, right past the mosquito magnet..."
Now that we live in a suburb with, like, rules and shit, I can't figure out how to get the damn thing out of my house! We brought it to the house inside the Explorer. It was all fresh and non-shedding and neatly wrapped in netting. Now that it has dryed out and crumbled, I really don't want to jam that thing inside my car. John mentioned sneaking it out in the middle of the night and dragging it down the sidewalk to the little creek at the bottom of the hill and abandoning it there. But, the neighborhood watch groups and the Home Owner's Association would likely see us and send us another nasty-gram in our mailbox. So, I guess we have to tie it to the roof of our car and drive it somewhere official. And I'm fresh out of bungee cords.
Why I Stayed Home.
21 hours ago