It is 2:30 a.m. and the motherfucking smoke alarm outside the bedrooms is beeping. Why do they always start this shit in the middle of the night? They are like pissy little newborns. I dragged a kitchen chair upstairs to try to change the battery and I cannot get the damn thing open. It is hard-wired to the house's electrical system, but it must have a battery backup. I can't even tell where a battery would fit. So, I checked the Internet and it said that it might have a watch battery in it. As if I have a spare one of those around, should I manage to crack that stupid thing open. Worse, every time I reach up and look up above my head, I get this intense wave of nausea, followed by sweating and the feeling I'm going to pass out.
It is dangling from the ceiling chirping its little ass off, John is out of town, and I am pissed.
4 hours ago