Lawd have muhcy, people. I am just wiltin' in this heat. Why, a lady can't even sit a spell without likin' to keel over. I told my butlah to bring make a mint julep and it weren't even cold. A lady cannot be expected to live like this.
I need a muu muu. Where does one buy a muu muu if one doesn't happen to be on vacation in Hawaii? I'm pretty sure there is no Muu Muus and Other Shapeless Hideous Clothing Items 'R Us anywhere around here. I need some form of attire that does not touch the belly--especially not with some kind of elasticy waisted maternity torture device that works fine in the winter, but once the thermometer crosses the 95 degree mark is just nothing but misery in fabric form. In other words, all my clothes.
I have one sundress from last year in a non-breathing, slightly itchy polyester fabric that fits around my stomach. Granted, the hemline rises about two inches higher in the front than in the back, and those dumb plastic hanger holder things are always flapping out from under the arms, but it is all I can stand to wear, other than just running around in underwear and a giant T-shirt. Which, of course, is fine for when you stay inside, but when you are in desperate need of a Burger King run, is just not apropriate.
So, dammit. I guess I need to buy a few maternity items afterall. I was trying to make it through this pregnancy without buying anything new. Because, if things go right, this should be my last one. And it is only about four more months. Shit. Wait, three and a half more months. (See also: panic, denial). And I have bags of hand-me-downs from lots of formerly pregnant people with really good fashion sense and I really shouldn't need anything new. After tearing through all the bags for the fifth time and finding no muu muus, though, I guess I have to face reality. How dare my friends be pregnant during different seasons than me?
In case you are still reading and haven't just fallen over from the boredom of all this (maternity clothes! Such a fascinating subject!) you may have figure out that the bottom line of this post is that I am bitching because it is HOT. HAWT. HOTTT. We are having a horribly awful humid and nasty heat wave. It feels like Houston in August out here. And we are not acclimated. It was just a perfect 70 degrees last week! We were sleeping with the windows open. It was beautiful. I held off even turning my air conditioner on until June 6, and now it is just running continually. Sometimes I just open up the door and fling wads of cash outside to really make it official. It is really summer now.
7 hours ago