Trash Can Wielding Gagging McCoughy Pants

It is one of those days. Sunday. John out of town. Everyone else in the entire world still sleeping. Me sick with some sinus thing. Becca whiny. Weather rainy. Didn't sleep last night. Might just box up my toddler and mail her to grandparents.

She is currently upstairs laying on the kitchen floor whining "Mama-a-huh. Maaaaama-aaaa-huh. A-huh. A-huh," kicking her feet against the floor and making the fakest crying noise ever.

Oh no. No. She is no longer upstairs. Now she's clinging on my leg making the most high pitched annoying whine sound I may have ever heard in my whole life. Mama's a BIT CRAZY TODAY.

We'll start with last night. I got into bed at about 8 p.m....exhausted and sick feeling. My abdomen felt so distended and tight that I didn't feel I could get a deep breath. Probably because my stomach and intestines are now collapsed into the size of a silver dollar and wedged up under my ribs.

So, I read and tried to breathe. I didn't fall asleep until close to midnight. Then, I woke up at 3 a.m. with the most annoying coughing fit ever. Dry hacking coughing that made me gag repeatedly. And I couldn't stop it. So, I stayed up until 5 a.m. reading, snacking, coughing, gagging.....my sinus problems don't seem as bad when I'm sitting up and stuffing piles of potato chips in my mouth. Come to think of it, most of my problems don't seem as bad when I'm stuffing potato chips in my mouth. But, as soon as I lay down, the throat tickle resumes and the sinus headache threatens to blow my head into four pieces.

Then, Becca woke up at 6 a.m. SCREAMING "MAMA! MAMA! MAMA!" I went storming in there saying, "It is NOT morning time yet. Go back to sleep." Of course, she had a dirty diaper. So, as I was changing it, she was just wide awake and talking. I tried to ignore her. I told her to go back to sleep. I staggered back to bed and laid down, only to hear "MAMA! Mama! Mama! MAAAAAAAAAMAAAAAA!" I let her do that for about 15 minutes, feeling my blood pressure rise with each second, and my gag reflex kicking in every two seconds with every cough. When I finally stormed in there to get her she said there was a "giant, giant ant over there" behind her toys. I pushed her toys aside, and sure enough, there was some nasty giant moth that WOULD. NOT. DIE. No matter how many times I smashed a plastic trash can on top of it.

*Deep Breath* It is going to be okay. It is going to be okay. It is going to be okay, DAMMIT. Only 5 hours until naptime. Only 5 hours until naptime. Only 5 hours until naptime.......