Rogaine for post-partum women. Or, perhaps a rakish combover to completely camoflauge bald spot covering left third of sleepless woman's head.
House Cleaner. This is a volunteer position. Must enjoy sweeping up hair. Should have experience sorting piles of teeny toys and toting them up and down between three floors, and then re-doing the job an hour later. Knowing difference between Little People and Disney Princesses a plus. Benefits include cleaning one room, while simultaneously listening to another being trashed. Also, lots of shrieking. A small, part-time intern will be supplied to push the a Swiffer Duster across toilet seats and then across the kitchen table.
A drive-through car wash that can be garage-installed. Must do detailing and should specialize in removing ground-in fruit snacks from upholstery.
A full night's sleep. Bring references. Apply only if serious, too many applicants have made appointments and have not followed through. Must bring soothing white noise and complete darkness. Extra time will be spent on applications that are accompanied by giant bags of Flamin' Hot Cheetos and an US Weekly Magazine.
Live-In Hairdresser. Requires experience in both adults and small, dramatic people with fickle tastes. Must have knowledge of how to remove honey and snot from ends of hair. Will only consider those capable of rakish combovers.
Hospice files: P. goes home
9 hours ago