Sunday, February 01, 2009

Wanted

Rogaine for post-partum women. Or, perhaps a rakish combover to completely camoflauge bald spot covering left third of sleepless woman's head.


House Cleaner. This is a volunteer position. Must enjoy sweeping up hair. Should have experience sorting piles of teeny toys and toting them up and down between three floors, and then re-doing the job an hour later. Knowing difference between Little People and Disney Princesses a plus. Benefits include cleaning one room, while simultaneously listening to another being trashed. Also, lots of shrieking. A small, part-time intern will be supplied to push the a Swiffer Duster across toilet seats and then across the kitchen table.


A drive-through car wash that can be garage-installed. Must do detailing and should specialize in removing ground-in fruit snacks from upholstery.


A full night's sleep. Bring references. Apply only if serious, too many applicants have made appointments and have not followed through. Must bring soothing white noise and complete darkness. Extra time will be spent on applications that are accompanied by giant bags of Flamin' Hot Cheetos and an US Weekly Magazine.


Live-In Hairdresser. Requires experience in both adults and small, dramatic people with fickle tastes. Must have knowledge of how to remove honey and snot from ends of hair. Will only consider those capable of rakish combovers.

11 comments:

Angie said...

Just laughing...

lisa said...

Thw swiffer thing made me laugh out loud.... :)

molly said...

LOL!!!! Best post EVER. Matt and I both laughed out loud at the swiffer remark. Hilarious, Katie.

Anonymous said...

So. Effing. Hilarious. You are really a good writer and need to bring this blog into syndication (if that can happen? Don't know but you should be famous and rich from this.) THANK YOU for making my day :)

sgtsharp said...

Too Damm Funny!! Welcome to Parenthood!! sooner or later it they do sleep threw the night. LMAO!!

Kristi said...

Lol. Too funny!

Anonymous said...

Are you really losing your hair? What's happening?

Natalie said...

Ha ha ha. That was great!

Natalie said...

Ha ha ha. That was great!

Tracy said...

Seriously one of the best posts. And really the reason it is the best, ITS ALL SO TRUE! When you hire, could you clone and send one my way? (although past the combover stage!)

Angela said...

My hair is growing back now and it looks like I let Claire cut my bangs. It's awful!!! You make me laugh. You put my feelings into words!!!