The minute John walks in the door from a trip, Becca's demeanor completely changes. The whining gets better, the irrational crying diminishes, she is full of smiles and giggles. She starts showing off. She goes to the basement by herself and plays (which never, never, EVERRRRR happens when he isn't here). She doesn't beg for a movie. She doesn't beg anyone to go with her or play with her. Then, of course, she sleeps all through the night without crying once. She puts her shoes on happily and puts her coat on without running away and collapsing on the floor.
I feel like I live a bit of a schizophrenic life. We have one dynamic when he's gone and a completely different (and better one) when he's home. I look at my friends who have husbands who work regular hours. They have a rhythm to their lives that we definitely don't have. For them, every Friday night is exciting. The weekend is here! For us, every week is different, every weekend is different. Sometimes he is here on Fridays, sometimes he isn't. His schedule is constantly changing. He will pick up and drop trips the day before. And it really doesn't matter all that much. There are some great benefits to our lifestyle. I love that he can take Becca to school most Tuesdays. And I love that we go do our family things during the week when things aren't crowded. But, I do feel like I need to get myself on some kind of "life rhythm."
I know. I sound like I'm about to talk about auras and chakras. But I do feel rather disjointed. I have tried to schedule my week and then to just work John into it when he is home. I made out a schedule of chores and errands. Library and cleaning bathrooms on Monday, etc. But it doesn't really work because if he's here I don't want to take Becca to the library when she could be going on a walk with her dad. Or, I don't want to spend my evening cleaning the bathrooms when I could be watching a movie with John.
I just long for a sense of order that I don't have. But I have a feeling it is senseless to pine after order when you have two little ones. I'm not complaining. I actually prefer this life to our former Active Duty life. I am just trying to figure out a way to get into the flow of things. Or, maybe I just need to adjust to the non-flowing lifestlye and go with that. Just go with the flow as they say, instead of imposing a new flow on life. I don't know.I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. Oh look! Purple unicorns....
Anyway, Super Dad is taking Becca out today on a daddy/daughter day. I am always so torn between wanting to go with them and wanting some hours to be "alone" (if you count having a 6 month old with you alone, which I guess I do.) I need to quit blogging and start mopping.
So, tell me. Do you schedule your week? Do you do certain chores and errands on certain days? Or are you like me and just fly by the seat of your pants most of the time, feeling like you have no grip on your life?
On Knowing Better and Doing Better
2 days ago