Thursday, April 09, 2009

What Do You Do?

When your single and child-free 20-something neighbor stops by unannounced at 3 p.m. and does. not. leave? She always has a big crisis and wants to talk about it. Which, listen, I get that. God, that is what this blog is based upon. I know crises. It just seems that she doesn't quite get that I have plans. Afterall, I'm a stay-at-home-mom. I must not have anything to do.

Actually, I didn't mind having her over. It was nice to have conversation and talk about Octo-Mom and look at all her cool 20-something magazines and analyze her relationship and talk about what jewellery she wants to get next (did I mention young, single, child-free?).

But, I kept saying to Becca, "Just a few minutes, and we're going to go on a walk!" Or I hinted about how I was trying to get to the gym or get some exercise in this afternoon. I tried to at least sit outside with her, but she was too cold. So, we stayed inside.

Suddenly, it was dinner time. Becca had been ignored all afternoon. No walk. No gym. I started getting dinner stuff together and asked if she wanted to stay and whether she wanted her boyfriend to come over when he got off work. Again, I didn't mind. The boyfriend asked me, "So. What did you do all day today?" I couldn't answer. First of all, I didn't think he wanted this answer "Got dressed in workout clothes, because that was GOING to happen today. Then, I cleaned cereal off the floor, cleaned Jell-O off the floor, fetched people drinks and food, tried to learn my solo for Sunday--which, is rather impossible while holding an infant and fending off a bored toddler, tried to decorate Easter eggs with a 3-year old hell-bent on scattering beads and glue and paint and glitter from here to Siberia, tried to run errands with two kids, wiped snot off Andrew's nose 123,897 times and off Becca's 34,685 times. Then, I talked to your girlfriend for 4 straight hours."

Then, it was 7 p.m. and my kids were in desperate need of some mommy time and needed to be put to bed and she was still here......I didn't know what to do.

So, I told her she could stay but I had to go upstairs and get the kids into bed. She went home. But now my house is trashed, the dinner dishes are all over the place, the kitchen in a disaster and I didn't get any exercise or outside time and the kids went to bed too late. So, it is almost my bedtime and I haven't done any of the ten bajillion things I needed to do tonight. As she was leaving she said, "Call me tomorrow! I won't be doing anything!" Umm. Right. No, I will be EXERCISING tomorrow and/or trying to do everything I didn't do tonight!

This happens a lot with her. And, I do like her and enjoy talking to her, but she comes over with no CLUE that kids have nap times and that when I say "Hi! Come in, I'm just about to leave to meet someone somewhere," that it doesn't mean, come in and stay for two hours. Or, when I say, after we've been chatting for a few hours, "Oh! Look at the time! It is naptime," she doesn't jump up and leave. What would you do??

I'm also thinking I need to take this post down at some point, just in case she ever finds this blog...

13 comments:

kia (good enough mama) said...

I have a friend like this in my life. Thankfully though, she lives 30 minutes away so can only come over with an appointment. ;) She DOES phone all the time, though. She wonders why I screen my calls.... it's because whenever she calls, it's guaranteed to be an hour-long convo. About her crazy life...

Geez! I don't know WHAT I'd do if she lived on my street.

Erin Stevens said...

Man Katie. Heather Reynolds does the same thing. She has neighbors that came over for Thanksgiving at 10 am and were still there at 8 pm. She could not get them to leave. You are just too nice! I guess it would be hard to say go away but you can nicely say "okay, time for us to leave now but maybe you could stop by again tomorrow" or tell her you have an appointment as soon as she gets there and make up a time.

Swistle said...

I would move away.

No---I would train the kids to make a bridge behind her in the doorway and then I'd give her a quick sharp shove and she'd go right down and I'd slam the door and lock it.

No---I'd make her HELP. YES. That is what I would do. I'd say something encouraging about her story, and give her a spoon to feed the baby with while she was talking. Etc.

Bevo said...

The timer. First get Becca to whine,and then tell her, "Honey, I'm talking with my friend for a few minutes, but when the timer goes off, we are going to the gym." Set the timer. Tell the neighbor, "Becca understands that when the timer goes off, it's gym time.."

It sometimes works for third graders! Good luck!

Angie said...

Ask her to go on a walk with you. If she doesn't want to go, surely she will leave when you go on the walk anyway? Tell her that it's naptime, and just go upstairs with the kids.

And, I love Swistle's suggestion to get her to help.

Also laughing at "get Becca to whine." Is that an issue in your house, because Ashlyn is ALWAYS whining around here.

sgtsharp said...

Just say no.

Laura said...

Dude, you are way nicer than I am. If she's too dumb to catch on to all your hints then just tell her to leave. It's either ruin her day or yours and I would so rather ruin someone else's than my own. Good luck.

The Quinn Report said...

I think we all have a friend like that! I'm sure I've also been "THAT friend" and never realized it either.

I would just make up some BS that you HAD to get to & say that you'd call her when u got back.... which would obviously be WAY 2 late 2 come over, but maybe another week/day/YEAR!

joanna said...

I'm with Noel - I've been that friend I'm sure - and probably with a baby in tow, too. I like the helping idea - I bet a few minutes of active playing with Becca would make her leave. I don't think many single childless people enjoy preschool play. I could be wrong - but at least Becca would get attention!... Or you could just add a little to your hints. "Oh I hate to ask you to leave but I'm supposed to meet someone at the gym in 20 minutes..." Maybe she could go to the gym with you - or on a walk with the kids. She might like that.

MommyK said...

I so feel your pain. When I was in college, a friend of mine would show up announced, usually when I was in the middle of studying for exams or something important, and then stay and stay and stay and not leave. It got to the point that when I saw her driving down my street, I'd grab my purse and keys and run out the door. "Oh! So sorry we can't visit, I was just on my way to (fill in the blank)."

In this case, I'd try being dramatic. Look at your watch, jump up and scream, "OHMIGOD! Is that what time it is? Where did the time go? Thanks for coming over, we're late to (fill in the blank), I'll tak to you soon!" Then grab both kids and run out the door and drive around for ten minutes LOL.

MommyK said...

Oh, and this is sort of unrelated, but this couple of Jehovah Witnesses always manage to knock on my door when I haven't showered and am not wearing a bra and have not combed my hair. No wonder they think I need saving...

Natalie said...

I like the timer thing. Or, the appt. suggestion. I'm too nice too and get myself stuck like this every now and then.

Lost in Space said...

Danger, Pinkie