Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Right Now

Becca is coloring. Andrew is somehow wedged under the kitchen table, stuffing every tiny thing in his mouth that he can find. Rocks, corn kernels, stray crumbs, napkin pieces, ants, a spicy Jalapeno Dorito. Hmm. I don't want to get too carried away and have to clean the floor, now, do I?

I am still on a high from our vacation. It actually did what a vacation is supposed to do....by resetting my internal voice. Before I left in April I was feeling overwhelmed by life. Things felt hard, and exhausting and out of my control. The ongoing illnesses, the winter, the continual and un-relenting demands of others, the (non) potty training, the not sleeping through the night, EVER. I was fed up with my children, grumpy and exhausted.

A few weeks around our families and friends did wonders for my mental health. Seeing the kids through their grandparents' eyes was wonderful. Suddenly instead of giant pains in the asses, they seemed funny and clever and spunky. I gained a new appreciation of my children, of their smallness, of the brief couple years I have with them at home. Instead of focusing on the drudgery of being a mom-in-the-trenches (as my mom calls me), I was able to get a glimpse into the future. They will soon be grown up. At some point in my life, I won't remember the days when I was up five times a night. Seeing Becca all curled up in her airplane seat and sleeping, looking so small and innocent....holding Andrew while he slept. Why is it so fleeting? It is all so cliche, but for some reason I am really aware of how fast time is going and how valuable this time is that I have with them right now.

8 comments:

Grammy Bonnie said...

And when it all passes, you will get to be a Grandparent. Hard to believe, but it's even better!

Katie said...

Bonnie...not hard to believe at all. I am SURE it is better! You get the fun of being around young children, but without all the stress, worry, lost sleep, etc! :)

Tracy said...

Not so much with the worrying. My mom said now she doesn't just worry about her kids, but her grandkids and son in laws..

What you are saying is so true. When did they get so old..

lisa said...

well said

Bevo said...

There is something wonderful waiting for you at every stage of motherhood. Truly. Kunky and Noah are getting ready to take their girls to Paris - what an exciting time! We're looking forward to celebrating Susan's 23rd birthday with her this week. Great stuff just keeps happening.

Angie said...

I find myself wanting to write something nearly every week about how quickly it all passes, though some days or phases seem to last FOREVER at the same time.

I'm glad that your vacation was great.

Natalie said...

You and me both. It's flying by!

Andrea_Ben said...

Love a sleeping baby - so sweet.