Right Now

Becca is coloring. Andrew is somehow wedged under the kitchen table, stuffing every tiny thing in his mouth that he can find. Rocks, corn kernels, stray crumbs, napkin pieces, ants, a spicy Jalapeno Dorito. Hmm. I don't want to get too carried away and have to clean the floor, now, do I?

I am still on a high from our vacation. It actually did what a vacation is supposed to do....by resetting my internal voice. Before I left in April I was feeling overwhelmed by life. Things felt hard, and exhausting and out of my control. The ongoing illnesses, the winter, the continual and un-relenting demands of others, the (non) potty training, the not sleeping through the night, EVER. I was fed up with my children, grumpy and exhausted.

A few weeks around our families and friends did wonders for my mental health. Seeing the kids through their grandparents' eyes was wonderful. Suddenly instead of giant pains in the asses, they seemed funny and clever and spunky. I gained a new appreciation of my children, of their smallness, of the brief couple years I have with them at home. Instead of focusing on the drudgery of being a mom-in-the-trenches (as my mom calls me), I was able to get a glimpse into the future. They will soon be grown up. At some point in my life, I won't remember the days when I was up five times a night. Seeing Becca all curled up in her airplane seat and sleeping, looking so small and innocent....holding Andrew while he slept. Why is it so fleeting? It is all so cliche, but for some reason I am really aware of how fast time is going and how valuable this time is that I have with them right now.