I've been in a rut lately, I think. I'm not really sure why....because all is well. I am just kind of...feeling.....meh. I think part of it is that I've arranged my life around Andrew's dual nap schedule and he is not cooperating and screaming through them while I'm cursing and wishing we had just gone out and done something instead. And part of it is being ready for Becca to go back to preschool because Momma needs a freaking BREAK up in this bitch. But yet as soon as I even HEAR the word school all I think of is H1N1 virus and I start to get an anxiety attack. I seriously may need professional help to deal with a pandemic. I am not cut out for this shit. I am a germaphobe. I spend a good portion of every day worrying about swine flu, and I can't seem to rationalize myself out of it. I probably think about it about 50 times a day, on a good day. You don't want to know about the bad days.
I know my kids are going to get viruses. They are going to be sick from time to time. I know that. I also know that worrying solves nothing and just brings me down. It is a waste of time. I know that. And I also know that the media hypes stuff up just to try to give people like me massive coronaries.
I guess I just get all worked up because Becca ends up having a seizure and being in an ambulance for an ear infection and spends 4 days in the hospital for a run-of-the-mill virus, so what the hell is going to happen if she gets H1N1? And I am worried about the vaccine. I really don't want to give it to Andrew (because they are already vaccinating the hell out of him this year) and I'm scared to give it to Becca because how do I know it is safe in the long term? And what if I get the virus and have to try to take care of the kids by myself? I want to hide under a rock in the Canadian Rockies and not come out until 2011. But that would be cold. And I would probably lose what is left of my tattered mind if I had to stay under a rock with the kids all the time.
So, here I sit. Being a completely irrational anxiety-ridden freak--knowing as soon as school starts the virus parade begins....and then, on the other hand, I'm wishing preschool started sooner.