Monday, January 25, 2010

Would You Like to Hear About My Recycling?

Because I would like to tell you about my recycling. Last Christmas... Wait, last, last Christmas...2008.... (God. I never even got 2009 Christmas photos on here, did I?) Anyway, way back in 2008 John's dad sent us some gifts in the most giant FedEx box you can imagine. It contained a baby Exersaucer and other various giant thing. I think all four of us could fit in it, plus a few Great Danes. It was huge. I saved it and filled it to the brim with every shred of paper or cardboard we had from Christmas. Every little shred of wrapping paper. Everything. I saved it in my garage for a week or more, weaving my way around it to get in the car, running into it. Feeling very annoyed by its presence. But I was determined to recycle it all. And then I hauled it out on recycling day, which was also garbage day.

I was so proud of myself! Look at me with all my Christmas detritus ready to be recycled. Look at all those other schmucks who just stuffed it in their trash cans. They must hate the polar bears. I love the polar bears. See my giant FedEx box? It is proof. I love their white fur and black noses. Look at my trash can, over there, practically empty. I sure do love polar bears.

And I actually sat around to watch what happened with my polar-bear-loving box of recyclables.

And, up came the TRASH truck and IN went my box of recycling. IN THE GARBAGE TRUCK!


Just let that sink in for a minute. I flattened every box. I picked up all the tissue paper. The empty wrapping paper tubes. EVERYTHING RECYCLABLE WAS IN THAT FUCKING BOX. And it went to a landfill.

Of course, I called the waste disposal company in a giant, raging huff. I was told that that box was too big. And if they are that big they have to be taped shut.

What? Taped shut? Why? Oh. Because the recycling guys have to throw it up and into the truck and it might be to heavy. (Which, umm....doesn't explain the taping shut part.)


Fine. So, this last year, in 2009, I was prepared. I did it all right. I put everything in smaller, easier-to-throw-sized boxes. I still kept every shred of everything. And it was a bigger pain in the ass than the giant FedEx box. Because this time I had about 8 smaller boxes clogging up the garage for 10 days, falling over and spilling and generally being a pain in the ass. But I persevered because I like sea level right where it is, yes I do.

I hauled all my 8 boxes out to the curb the night before recycling day. I felt so proud. I got it right this year. Yes, I did. Just take THAT, Mr. Trash Guy.

And, guess what happened THIS year? A giant wind storm came through during the night. A GIANT wind storm. It sounded like the house was going to blow down. I was worrying about shingles and siding. But I forgot to worry about the recycling.

When we looked out in the morning, ALL of the recycling was GONE. G.O.N.E. Blown all over the neighborhood. Not a shred left.

I am weeping real tears. I might as well just go stab a polar bear in the eyes now. I don't even know how to end this post except to say that my REAL New Year's Resolution for 2010 is for all our Christmas paper recycling to actually make it into the recycling truck this year. Fo shizzle.


Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh, this story makes me cry. THE WORST FEELING EVER is when I save up SO MUCH recycling for naught. I totally feel your pain :(. -Jenny in MD

Swistle said...

This story is both tragic and hilarious. OMG polar bears.

Natalie said...

I DETEST recyclying but do it anyway. And, I HATE flattening out the boxes. Urgh. And, my husband rarely helps. But, oh, I'm a stay at home mom and have PLENTY of time for these things. Maybe he's right, maybe I do. But, jeez, I hate just hate doing it!!! When I go to the recyling depot, I gladly let the guys there help me with anything and everything.

I'd be PISSED about the tree in your latest post. At least you called. I would have just bitched to my friends about it and done nothing, probably!