It is the same old story. I feel I can't ever get anything done. I spin my wheels all day--cleaning, running around, trying to stay on top of things. Day after day. And after coming downstairs from putting the kids to bed....I am exhausted. I plop on the couch or in front of the computer and sit there, slack jawed, until bedtime, berating myself for not getting up and doing anything other than reaching for another snack. Wondering how I managed to get ZERO accomplished and yet am still tired. I promise myself I will get more done tomorrow.
Then, the cycle repeats itself. Next day, same story.
Occasionally I will have a day when I get a project finished. I got the kids rooms all cleaned and vacuumed and all the laundry put away last week (of course, my parents were here, entertaining the children, but still). What a great feeling. But, last night both of their rooms were trashed again. Cheerios were ground into the carpet in the family room. The floor under the kitchen table was covered in food slime, the sink was full of dirty dishes, the trash can was full, the diaper pail was full, the car was full of crumbs, and toys and bags of crap and dirty sippy cups.....There are stacks of mail to be sorted, piles of papers to be filed, crumbs and toys on every surface. Don't even talk about all the additional projects I have in mind, or books I want to read, or shopping, or socializing--keeping up with people...returning calls, writing letters, answering emails.
I know. This is life. Welcome to it, already. I know.
And yet, there is my New Year's Resolution of learning to go with the flow.... embracing the current phase instead of missing past phases or looking forward to new phases. Learning to smile when I kick the toy cars on the kitchen floor, realizing soon my kids will only want video games and cell phones....Gleefully taking a nap, instead of feeling guilty when the kids are sleeping because soon they won't be taking naps. Enjoying their sweet smiles and giggles and sheer delight at the simple things in life. Letting it go....
But you know? I can't really embrace filth. I just can't. It makes me insane. And what kind of person makes a New Year's Resolution to be mentally unstable? Because I think the answer is: a person who has already gone off the deep end. Am I wrong?
School of Not-Quite-Rock
5 hours ago