I whine a lot about the rigors and stresses and unrelentlessness of parenting. It sucks the life out of me on a regular basis. I miss being able to just clean the house in peace. I really, really miss having a clean house. Irrationally so. I miss being able to dash out and run 5 errands in 30 minutes. I miss waking up to a noise other than someone screaming at me. I miss having a job where I have a chance of completing projects I start. I miss being able to sweep the floor and have it stay clean for more than 4 minutes. I miss calm. I miss picking up and heading out without having to remember diapers, sippy cups, snacks, toys.....I miss all that.
Recently, I was talking on the phone with a really good friend from the past. We were kid-free when we lived in the same place. We shopped together, ate lunch out, went to bars. We talked on the phone for hours a day. We discussed big issues in the world, books, religion....
She hasn't started a family yet and was describing her life to me. She recently moved and was rattling around in a new house. Hadn't made friends yet. Didn't know what to do with herself. Takes 4 hour naps, reads for 3 hours a day, cleans the house with only CNN on for company.
And you know what? Instead of feeling jealous, I thought, "I'm glad I don't feel that way anymore." It brought back those feelings I used to have. Boredom. Feelings like I was just biding time. I guess you can say, if nothing else, kids really give your life a definite direction. I am accomplishing something every day, even if I suck at it some days. Even though I never, ever get a chance to get dressed in peace. And I never complete any project I start in under a year. Even though there are disgusting chocolate smears on the walls and repulsive globs of things stuck on the floor. At least I am not bored anymore. I have purpose to every single day. I wouldn't go back to the way I was before. Maybe I don't really miss having a clean house. And I have a very real reason to get up every morning. I have no choice. Someone is usually screaming my name!
Aging is for the weak, and everyone else
2 months ago
4 comments:
Both kids will be in school full time before you know it. And then you'll sort of miss having the noise in the house.
My oldest starts kindergarten this week and most of the time I wonder where the last 6 years went.
Doesn't life seems to be in hyperspeed now? Summer was longer before children. The years moved slower, it seems.
Nicely said!
A small part of me is envious, though it is my fault I don't ready grown up books at night, I am too tired. And an uninterrupted nap would be nice, maybe when Ben gets home. But yes, you are right, kids definitely change your perspective!!
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