Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Anxiety, The Holidays and Me

I've been working on my December Action Plan. And here's the bottom line. I have experienced just as much stress and anxiety as any other year, but just experienced it two to three weeks earlier. I have been running like a maniac nonstop since mid-to-late November. Things have now slowed down and I do feel like I have a grip on Christmas. I should be able to calmly and quiety bake cookies with the kids. But for the last two weeks I have been a FREAK and have totally ignored them and let them watch nonstop TV and haven't played with them, and have been running in circles. I've been having near anxiety attacks at least once a day about various unimportant details. I've been forgetting everything, running helter skelter, yelling at people who are driving too slow. But I haven't been doing it during the days right before Christmas.

So, is that really any different? I'm not sure.

After hosting Thanksgiving, taking a trip (by myself! WOOT WOOT!) to see John out west, doing five million choir concerts, attending John's work Christmas party, hosting Becca's 5th birthday party, ordering and filling out and mailing Christmas cards, buying, packing and mailing out of town Christmas presents, buying all my local presents, getting and decorating the tree, and decorating the house I am WORN THE FUCK OUT, people. I have been going a million miles an hour, running in circles, being so super productive at all moments. It is exhausting being Type A. It really is.

But, my action plan is still in place. Minus the clean house. That is just so unrealistic I want to punch myself in the face for even writing that down. But now....NOW. Finally, (after another choir concert tonight)....I should be able to slow down and enjoy. I hope to make gingerbread men and a gingerbread house. I hope to bake cookies to deliver to the neighbors. I hope to wrap presents with Christmas music playing. I hope that I remember to buy some Bailey's.

And most of all, I hope my Christmas wish comes true. I want to become Type B by New Year's Day.

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