Friday, June 10, 2011

Calming Myself

Breathe deeply. That's what they say. And they're totally right. It does something physical right away. Something good. Something calming.

I need calming. Not for any particularly good reason. I mean, things are good. Life is good. But I still need calming. It is part of my charm.

I tend to overreact.

I tend to make things into bigger deals than they are.

I tend to worry.

A lot.

I fret.

Oh, yes. I'm a fretter. And when I'm fretting, I say to myself, "Self, you KNOW fretting doesn't help. You KNOW this is all going to work out okay. Stop fretting." And yet.....I don't stop. I just go right on fretting for no good reason against all better judgement.

What can I say? I'm charming like that.

John loves it. Oh yes. He loves it when I lay in bed awake and twitching about how am I ever going to get back from gymnastics in time to get Becca's hair in a bun for ballet and get dinner made and then I have that meeting at school and what if it goes over and I can't get there in time to pick up Becca? What if I have to leave early from the meeting? When will I feed Andrew during this scenario? What if he pees in his pants at the meeting? Blah blah blah, first world problemcakes, to quote Amalah.

Those are fun times.

And of course, it all goes off fine. I get home in time to make dinner. Becca gets to ballet. I get to the meeting. Andrew stays dry. He eats. Its all good. Why did I just spend 4 hours of my night stressing about this? Why didn't I spend 4 hours cleaning the house? Now THAT would have gotten me somewhere.

Breathe deeply.

Be still.

Be still. I think that is my all time favorite Bible phrase. Be still. Yes. That is what I need.

I am like a hummingbird on a meer cat who has seen an enemy. I'm like a wild animal, tearing through the forest, maniacal eyes rolling back in my head, froth pouring from my mouth.

What a sight.

Be still.

Breathe deeply.


Angie said...

If something works, share!

Natalie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Natalie said...

Oh, you sound like me. Like, today, I showed someone our boy confirmation ultrasound picture. She looked at it and pointed to a part that was not the penis and said, "oh, is this it?" When I pointed the part that is, she said, "what? How is that a penis? Are you sure it's a boy?" So, I've been fretting all evening and asked Matt 5,010 times if we heard the doctor correctly and if that really is the penis. It wasn't just an OB who did the ultrasound. There are TWO genetic ultrasound specialists in town. The kind that get the difficult cases. They have the 3D and 4D machines. He's one of the two. It's all he does, ALL day long. He was sure it was a boy at 16-weeks. At 20-weeks, the baby wasn't in a good position to check again but he referred back to original scan and laughed at me for even asking. Anyway, Matt's about to throw me off a cliff for questioning it again b/c someone who doesn't know anything said something...I'm also fretting about my hair which seems to be falling out and my skin which seems to be shedding like a snake. I fret too. Wish there was a cure.

Smitty 1, 2 , 3 and 4 said...

hummingbird on crack... still laughing at that one! Love you, girl.
p.s. You are NOT alone.