I've become interested in meditation lately. I bought a book called "The Power of The Subconcious Mind" the other night at Barnes and Noble....when I found myself with 20 child-free minutes. It was heavenly, that 20 minutes. I bought a decaf light mocha coconut frappacino (i.e. chemical air with no purpose other than mental health) from Starbucks and wandered through B & N. I felt light. I felt good. I felt free. I felt like MYSELF. No one was yelling at me. No one was requesting a damn thing. No one needed feeding. No one had produced a turd on the floor. No one had a piece of plastic plaything stuck between their teeth that needed extraction with a pair of tweezers. No one knew my name. No one called me "Mommy." No one was fighting. No one was covered in sand. There was no laundry to do. There wasn't a pile of dirty dishes looking at me. Everyone left me the hell alone for 20 blissful minutes.
Damn.
If only I could have that 20 minutes once a day. Seriously.
If once a day I could be in B & N with 13 bucks to spend and a coffee of choice in my hand?
Paradise, I tell you.
Who needs pharmaceuticals? All you really need is time and money in a B & N. It would solve the world's problems. At least, it could solve my problems. Especially if coffee is involved. And silence.
Or maybe some wine.
But really just silence.
So, anyway. I was there. In paradise. Happy as a little clam. Clutching my 13 dollars. Grinning from ear to ear each time I sipped the mocha coconutty goodness. And I picked up a book that told me that my mind could solve all my problems! I just have to, like, think or something. About something other than potty training and kindergarten readiness and naps and sight words and vitamins and nutrition and JESUS! WE HAVE A HOUSE FULL OF TOYS WHY ARE YOU CUTTING PAPER INTO SMALL PIECES AND SPRINKLING THEM ON THE FLOOR AND NO YOU CANNOT HAVE A COOKIE AND WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SHIT STUCK TO THE COMPUTER MONITOR AND WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING?????
I bought this book. Its going to fix me. It says it can.
I'll let you know.
Aging is for the weak, and everyone else
2 months ago
2 comments:
I miss a good bookstore. Can't say I don't get time to myself b/c they are at school from 0800-1400 most days and will be there until the end of July. But, it's amazing how much time I squander. Seriously squander.
Matt and I spent six hours organizing the playroom last month while the girls were at school. It's trashed again. Six more hours needed. So, I tell Matt that just means they have too many toys. B/c they trashed that playroom in all of 15-minutes and now do what your kids do. Cut up paper all over the floor, apply stickers to carpet, coffee table, themselves, etc. Then, they'll drop that, and change into various princess, wedding or ballerina clothes 5,433 times. Except, they don't pick up. I'm reading to beat the living shit out of them. How many times do I have to ask them to pick up before they move on to something else. Short of sitting with them while they play (to keep messes under control) AND pick up (to make sure they don't walk away before it's done), I don't know what to do. And, I'm throwing a boy into the mix here soon. Fun times ahead!
Forgive me for laughing, but I'm splitting a gut reading all this. You're in the middle of parenthood and it is wonderful and awful at the same time. Wish I were closer to give you that needed 20 minutes a day - an hour would be good. I think I was in your spot once, but I can't remember. I do remember many years ago Mom saying something on her birthday like "Contrary to popular belief, 'over the hill' is a great place to be." Now that I've reached the peak and am going down the other side, I see she is right. And you're right, too - moms definitely need time off!
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