Thursday, May 31, 2012

Stream of Consciousness. Or, Welcome to my brain.

It is that time of year again. The time when I am simultaneously READY and TERRIFIED for school to be out.

We can have some time to do things. I want to try camping with the kids this year. I think they would love it. No one needs diapers or sippy cups or naps. I know I won't get any sleep though. READY and yet TERRIFIED. 

I feel like I should probably clean my floors one of these months. But then the kids will run in covered in cut grass and hose water and toad juice and just mess it up.  Ready and terrified of the wrath that will happen when they mess up the clean floors. So maybe I won't.

I want to throw out everything I own and start over. Why can't I seem to do this? Why? I hate everything in my house and I hate how MUCH of it there is. And I hate that I cannot seem to stay on top of it no matter what I do. I want to simplify. SIMPLIFY DAMMIT.  But yet, I cannot seem to just ditch it all.

Why is Andrew in timeout for the second time today for spitting at me? Why does he eat no meals and then dig around for snacks all day? I know the answer to that. Don't tell me. I'm cracking down and that's why he is in timeout for the second time today.

I wait all winter to be able to use my screened in porch. Then it gets to be 90% humidity and 90 degrees and I can't stand being out there. Plus it is all junked up. I need to de-junk it.

I need a personal assistant. I would love to have someone just follow me around doing what needs doing and planning my life for me and taking care of everything for ME. I can handle doing everything for the kids but I want my own backup. Basically I need a wife/mom/butler that is full time. I need a WOMLER. "Oh dear! I see you left your jeans on the floor, let me take care of that. I've left your breakfast out on the table for you and cleaned up the dishes. I made that call to the insurance company for you. They just need you to sign this here. I'll take that to the post office for you. I've also arranged for a car to pick you up at noon for your lunch with your girlfriends. I will stay here and mop the floor. The laundry is all folded and put away."

Now I'm off for Andrew's last day of preschool ice cream party. Ready. And Terrified. 


Swistle said...

I just finished a novel where the household had a live-in of just that sort. It sounded WONDERFUL. My old fantasy: spending a week in a hotel room by myself. My new fantasy: having that exact live-in to live with me.

Katie said...

Swistle...Yes we have discussed the hotel fantasy and even the prison and hospital fantasy before! I am thinking it isn't just us though! Have you seen Date Night with Tina Fey? She describes the hotel fantasy. I think its my favorite scene from any movie, ever.

So, now with the new butler fantasy. Sometimes I fantasize about being the president, because even though you would be so busy, you would have people RUNNING things for you. Just be dressed at this time and we will transport you here and you do this. Then just get back in the car and we will take you to your next thing. I guess I just want someone doing all my scheduling and executing for me!

Bevo said...

I would be your personal assistant, but I am too busy being someone else's.