The Yap

The Whole Zen Thing

2009-11-07T07:29:00.006-05:00

I am still trying to slow down on the multi-tasking thing. I can't stop making list after list after list. I've always been that way, but I am going overboard now in an attempt to meet two objectives: a) get all Christmas shopping done before Thanksgiving; and b) to try to still my ever-chaotic mind.

I have been telling myself over and over, "Slow down. Stop hurrying. Relax. Take a deep breath. Just be. One thing at a time. One thing at a time."

And then, someone spills their milk on the floor and someone else is screaming bloody murder because I dared leave the room, I'm supposed to pay that bill today, the dirty laundry has left the hamper and is threatening to take over the house, someone is playing in the toilet, I forgot to turn off the stove, someone is holding onto my leg, the phone is ringing, I need to finish unloading the dishwasher, someone just threw a sippy cup in the trash, someone is eating glitter glue, someone is screaming that they don't want to put their shoes on, and someone has just stepped in the pile of food under someone's high chair and slid across the floor on an avocado.

Objective B can suck it. (You knew that would happen, didn't you?) Objective B is nothing more than an impossible dream for Moms of little ones. This is why coffee and wine were invented.

But, I can still pull off Objective A. I did it four years ago, when I was pregnant with Becca. Her due date was December 13. We were living in Alaska and I had ALL my Christmas shopping done and gifts wrapped and mailed by Thanksgiving. That RULED. I LOVED it. I wouldn't have survived that December otherwise.

I want to do it again. Although, this year it won't be waking up with a newborn every hour that will be killing me, it will be choir rehearsals, concerts, christmas parties and birthday parties, and handling all that shit in paragraph three (above). I want to be baking banana bread and taking a nap on December 23, not running around like a crazy person.

Since my New Year's Resolution of "getting control" went out the window on January 2, I feel like I can redeem the year this way.

(Maybe.)

A New Thought Process

2009-11-05T20:41:00.004-05:00

I am always mulit-tasking. When I'm in line at the grocery store I am trying to figure out which errand should happen next. When I'm changing a diaper I am thinking about how I'm going to get both kids dressed in the most efficient way so I don't have to go up and down the stairs 12334576 times (that one never works.) When I'm driving, I am making phone calls. When I'm 5 minutes early for choir, I am writing out a grocery list. When the kids are in the bath, I'm wiping the bathroom counter. When I have 10 extra minutes before preschool pick-up I try to find a quick errand I need to complete. When I'm cleaning, I am meal planning. When I'm cooking, I'm thinking of what needs to be cleaned. When I'm doing laundry, I'm thinking about how I need to clean out the closets. When I'm watching TV at night, I'm trying to shop for Christmas gifts online.

God.

How annoying.

I know we women are great multi-taskers. We have twice as many connections between the two sides of our brain as men do. But it seems a great portion of my "tasking" is actually thinking about the next task. Or planning a way to make the next task more efficient. Not actually DOING anything. And, in the process, ruining the current thing I'm doing. Am I really accomplishing anything with the constant mental barrage?

Yesterday I wondered what it would be like to just....turn off that portion of my brain. Just BE. Not to always be thinking through the next step, the next errand, the next chore. When it is shower time, just take a shower. When it is time to grocery shop. Just do that. Don't be thinking about how I need to call the pediatrician. Or planning what to buy who for Christmas. Just do that later. Procrastinate my thoughts. Is this possible?

I'm giving it a whirl. Perhaps right before the holidays isn't the best time to try this out. Or maybe, just maybe, it is the perfect time.

Oh Halloween.....How I Love to Hate Thee

2009-11-01T12:15:00.012-05:00

It is no secret that I've not traditionally been a big fan of Halloween. The spending money on costumes when I'd much rather spend it on clothes I could wear every day. The pressure of figuring out something to do. The dreaded question, "What are YOU going to be?" What am I going to be? Crap. I don't know. Why do I have to be something? What's wrong with being a well-groomed person in normal clothes? The hideous decorations......gross dead things. Why do people want dead rotting corpse-things on their lawns? I think I'm missing an important piece of the puzzle. The sickly candy everywhere. I mean, if people would start handing out Flamin' Hot Cheetos it might be a different story.

Lately, though, since having kids... I've been warming up to Halloween. The pumpkin carving, the kids' thrill over their costumes, the walking around trick or treating with a lovely adult beverage in hand, chatting with the neighbors. The Reeses's peanut butter cups.

We tried to carve a cat jack o'lantern from a too-detailed pattern, and ended up with a cat-like creature. Carving teeny whiskers out of a thick pumpkin turns out to be impossible. But, it is vaguely cat-ish. Right?

This year Andrew was a rooster (because he spent the last year waking us up all the time) and Becca wanted to be a pegasus. I think my eyeballs bugged out my head as I wracked my brain for how to turn her into a pegasus. Thank God for Ebay and Google, though. Because we found this contraption that makes it look like she is RIDING a pegasus/unicorn. Problem solved. She was going to dress as Aurora riding a pegasus/unicorn, but at the last minute opted for a too-short wedding dress. Turns out her Halloween costume was the Runaway Princess Bride.

So, Halloween. Well played. Not bad. Not bad.

Unless your child has a dread fear of masks, (or "maskes.") Then, you're pretty much screwed.

...And Here We Go Again

2009-10-29T17:57:00.003-05:00

This Phase Again from Katie "The Yap" on Vimeo.

Here is Becca doing a similar thing at a similar age.

Schlep, Lick, Scream, Barf, Hug, Repeat

2009-10-27T08:34:00.021-05:00

Thursday morning I got myself and the kids up at 3:45 a.m. and schlepped us all to the airport to go to Minnesota. Somehow a miracle occured and I was physically able to drag the following in to the airport: Myself, Andrew strapped on to my front, Becca walking, a stroller heaped with Andrew's infant car seat, Becca's high back booster, a purse, a giant carry-on diaper bag, a small princess backpack, three winter coats and a rolling suitcase. Don't try this at home. Trust me. If anyone so much as looked at me sideways, everything would fall apart. The stroller would tip over, the bag would be open and fall over, dumping everything out, Becca would have to go potty right then. And, I think I said this 346,268 times,"Don't put your mouth on anything! Stop licking that!" It was precarious, getting through security. But we made it. The hardest part was over.

The flight was fine. The flying part isn't the problem, especially because I spend what would normally be our airfare cost on new books, toys, crafts and snacks. I spare no expense when it comes to being trapped in a small space with two kids. And, naturally, Becca carries her antibacterial wipe as we get on the plane and we both spend a few minutes wiping every surface of our row before we settle in.

My mantra for the weekend was "Don't get sick until we get home. Don't get sick until we get home. We just have to make it through this weekend."

We were supposed to stay with our friends Carrie and Mark and their kids. But, as I was standing in line at the rental car counter, Carrie told me that her school-age daughter had a fever. I really appreciated her telling me about that ahead of time and honestly. We had really been looking forward to staying with them, but my brain got stuck in a loop that said this: "H1N1, H1N1, H1N1...."

....and I backed out. I really was disappointed that we couldn't stay with them, but I know my kids. And someone would end up in the ER. I also know myself. And I know I would have been too anxiety-ridden to handle it. And, unfortunately for them, her daughter does have what they think is H1N1 and STILL has a fever. I really hope it gets back to normal for them soon. Because it sounded not very fun over there.

This brings us to the part where I was trying to figure out a hotel, and driving to Aunt Linda and Uncle Phil's to use their computer. Here an iPhone would have come in really handy! I was desperately trying to get the kids fed and unloaded at the hotel before nap time. It was cold and raining. Carrie very graciously brought us soup and lent us her pack-n-play and other baby items. She also helped me check in. We never could have made it without her!

This story could go on and on. But, basically I spent a day or two dragging luggage and kids around until we worked out a new plan. Thankfully, many people rearranged their plans for us (Bonnie, Ralph, David, Tara--thank you!) and we were able to get settled at Bonnie's for the rest of the weekend. Whew!

Tara, David, Susan, Me

And....then I spent a few days just not sleeping. Andrew screamed for hours at night. I don't know why. One night found me and Andrew up playing at 2 a.m. and me and Becca up talking at 4 a.m. The kids woke up every day between 4:15 and 5:30 a.m. It was hideous. I was like a mom to a newborn again. One night Becca had a fever. One night Andrew had a fever. One morning Becca barfed a little in her bed and I thought we were in for it. But somehow, somehow another miracle occurred and the fevers went away and there were no more barfing incidents and we made it. We made it! Thank the baby Jesus.

The whole reason we went to Minnesota was to go to my Nana's 100th birthday party. There was tons of preparation going on over at Phil and Linda's house. They expected a huge crowd for the party. I really wanted to help, and did attempt to, but the kids did their thing and made it nearly impossible. Now, this was all happening in Minneapolis at the house where my mom and her siblings grew up. Nana now lives in Rochester with my Aunt Julie.

On the morning of the party, Julie called to say that Nana wouldn't be able to make the drive up for the party. She had a UTI and was oxygen-deprived and confused and not doing well. Much fluttering ensued. Should we cancel the giant party? We decided to continue on with the party. The momentum was rolling. There was no way we could contact everyone. Plus, it was also a family reunion of sorts. People coming in from everywhere. People I hadn't seen in 20 years. People who would enjoy seeing each other. So, the party went on.

My mom and her cousins in their traditional "on the stairs" photo

We lit 100 candles for Nana and sang happy birthday to her. It was beautiful. Of course, I came dragging in the door late, just as the singing was starting. I tossed the children on the floor and grabbed the video camera. Someone had Aunt Julie on skype so she could see what was going on. It was sad that Nana wasn't there. But, it was also happy that so many people love her and showed up to wish her a happy birthday!

Birthday Candles

The kids held up during the party. We stayed as long as we possibly could, and for the first time, I had to miss the singing and piano playing that always finishes off our family gatherings, because this happened:

Andrew at the party

Note to Andrew: this is what happens when you DO NOT SLEEP at night! Later on, Susan, my cousin Hannah, my mom and David and Tara stopped by. We drank some high-quality Bonnie and Ralph wine (the kind I can't afford, but wish I could! Maybe if I bought fewer airplane toys!?) and stayed up too late.

The following day, we packed up the car and the kids' stuff and went down to Rochester to see Nana, Aunt Julie and Uncle Dave. We had to pull over three times while Hannah barfed. Thank the baby Jesus she was in my mom's rental car and not mine. I was just trying to remain calm, saying "We won't get sick until we get home. We won't get sick until we get home."

Four Generations--from 1 to 100.

Once we arrived at Julie's, she took us over to see the goats and chickens that she takes care of a at a nearby farm. The kids were in heaven. It was great! Nana looked like herself, but a little weaker and definitely confused. As soon as we told her she could have some chocolate, I saw a bright glimmer of the old Nana in her eyes. Then, quick naps, packed the car up and drove back up to Minneapolis.

Julie and her babies

Got up at 4 a.m. and did the whole schlepping, "don't lick that, come back here, stop that", antibacterial wipes, stroller-falling over, desperate mad rush back home before naptime-thing. Then, ran out to choir until late last night.Finally, today we are just home. Nowhere to be. And I would like to submit a request to Andrew that he stop waking up and crying/screaming all night. I would also like to submit a request to my brain to ignore the amount of fast food consumed in the last four days. I will not be doing much today. Naps in three hours. I hope.

Never Too Lazy to Procrastinate

2009-10-21T19:43:00.006-04:00

I tried a new technique this time for trip packing. I only started the day before. Which, is a huge improvement from my usual week before prep start time. So far it is going well....if you count the house looking like Nagasaki as going well. I do, of course.

We're going to Minnesota this weekend to celebrate the 100th birthday of my Nana. Nearly everyone in the family will be there except for one cousin, my husband and my dad. Otherwise, it will be a big gaggle of relatives. We are looking forward to it. (Well, except for the part about getting up at 4 a.m. tomorrow. But other than that, we're looking forward to it.)

If only I didn't have to pack. Actually, the packing isn't bad. The part that is bad is the obsessing over whether I got everything. And all the little shit you have to remember--like to pay the bills, and to stop the mail and to pack some earrings, and the white noise machine, and all the chargers and electronic crap and cameras and memory cards and card readers and battery chargers and tights and confirmation numbers and where is the little strap for that one shoe?

So, instead of doing that.... Here I am! Proving I'm not lazy! Because would a lazy person blog right before a pre-dawn trip? Would a lazy person stress out about making sure to pay the bills and pack the battery chargers and thermometers and Benadryl!? Would a lazy person completely isolate each category of items in her carry-on in separate ziploc bags? No! So. Yea. I'm just laid back. Not lazy. Except I'm sorta not laid back right now either. Hmm.

Travel: Bringing Out the Worst In You Since 800 B.C.

In more trip prep news, we set Lila the Toad free tonight. Because, frankly, toads are shitty pets. They just bury themselves all day. Then they emerge at night to sit still for hours on end. So, Becca picked her up and put her on the grass tonight before bed. She patted her and said with a dreamy sigh, "I'm so happy she's free." I cleaned out the terrarium and put it out of sight. And that was that.

Laid Back? or Lazy?

2009-10-20T10:19:00.006-04:00

It has just dawned on me that I think I've let myself go. Not in the usual way. Well, maybe a little in the usual way. I do often have baby slime on my shirts. And I go way too long without having my eyebrows waxed. And my clothing is all a few years out of date and I eat too many chicken nuggets and french fries. And sometimes (okay, often) I go out in public looking like a drowned rat. But, mostly I've let myself go in another way.

A big part of me has died. The part that was on top of things and uptight and anal. I am really no longer anal at all (unless you count the germaphobe stuff, which I don't because that is just common sense, really.)

I have become....I'm scared to say this....but I think I have become.... laid back.

I know. Take a minute to let that sink in.

I would take a picture of what is going on around me, but I can't find the camera. And, even if I did take a picture, I'm too lazy to upload it. Trust me when I tell you that I am in the middle of a swirling dervish. I just can't continue to care about certain things when they are so unattainable. Things like returning library books on time. Keeping track of where the bills are. Filing papers. Folding laundry. Wiping giant chocolate fingerprints off cabinets and walls. Sweeping up stepped-on Goldfish crackers. Planning anything in advance.

Or, I can be on top of it for a few days. And all is well. But soon everything descends back into chaos. It still annoys me, but I'm not uptight enough to do anything about it. I don't worry about small things as much as I used to. I just can't. Actually, I can't really worry about the big stuff anymore either (except illnesses. We don't want to talk about how much time I spend worrying about that.)

Things that would have driven me mad a few years ago just sort of roll-off my back now. I do a lot of shrugging and saying "whatever." Who is this person who has invaded my body? Do I like her? I'm not sure.

Putting the AWK! in Awkward

2009-10-18T11:43:00.011-04:00

Here we have another example of how I punish myself by doing dumb things like trying to make an appointment at a portrait studio and trying to get everyone bathed, dressed, fed, slept and in a good mood at the same 10 minute window.

Then, when we get to the studio, the "photographer" is some punk who has no way with children whatsoever (why would they put him in a primarily kids' photography studio?) and gives up after taking about 15 photos. Here is what the guy must have been thinking:

Ahhh. A group shot. Let's see. Everyone's eyes are open! Great! We're done here.

I told the girl to smile and she did. Click. Good. Done. Next?Gee. I think I'll place this child on a giant black set of steps and then not zoom in at all.

And, I think I'll stop after only two photos in this pose. Because they are turning out so well.

Next, I think I'll pose people in the dumbest pose and then take a couple photos, never telling the people that they look ridiculous.

And finally I will give this mother hope after taking this shot by telling her "it actually looks like the baby is smiling in that one!" And, of course, I won't tell her to sit up straight and suck her belly in....because I am desperately trying to win the honor of World's Worst Photographer!

In Which I Don't Tie Anything Together

2009-10-13T14:49:00.006-04:00

I am breathing a sigh of relief after the seven nights of chorus practice and concerts. It is exhilarating singing on stage with an entire orchestra....but it is also a relief to be home tonight with nowhere to be. My DVR is totally full. I have some important things to do tonight: Desperate Housewives, Brothers and Sisters, Grey's, The Office, Mad Men.... So many funny things have happened since I last blogged. My mom and I were cracking up repeatedly and discussing how I had to blog about various incidents. But I have already forgotten them. Life is just speeding by. The big news around here is that my dad bought Becca a terrarium when he was in town last week. And it sat around empty for awhile, except for a few doomed earthworms. The other night, late, around midnight, I saw a toad hopping along the sidewalk. I steathily caught it in a butterfly net (also provided by my dad). My mom and I screamed like little girls trying to get that nasty thing into the terrarium. Toads are SO GROSS.
And now...Lila the toad is a resident of our family room. She is pretty much the most boring pet ever....just stays buried all day. But last night, I was looking at her in the dark and she was hopping all over and flinging herself at the glass. I feel a bit guilty about imprisoning her....I am kind of starting to like her. I think I watch her more than Becca does. We went apple and pumpkin picking today. I'm trying my best to slow down and enjoy this. Every bit of it.

Definition

2009-10-12T08:18:00.006-04:00

Insanity (in·san·i·ty):
Doing the same thing over and over and over again and expecting different results.

Behold the latest studio portrait session result.

Ode to Nana

2009-10-05T16:32:00.003-04:00

My mom is here this week. My dad was here for part of the weekend and Mom is staying on because I have a crazy week coming up with choir. Every night for six nights, I will be gone from about 5 p.m. until about midnight. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights. I am going to collapse by the end of this! I am so glad she is here because John doesn't always know his schedule until the last minute and I would have had to have lined up babysitters for all those nights. And I would be broke. So, thank GOD my mom is here. Thank the baby Jesus.

I am very glad to be in this choir. And I do love the concerts (well, at least the first two concerts). But, this is going to be a bit much! I keep thinking that in a few days I will know more what it would be like to be a working parent. Obviously, I won't really know....but I will have a tiny taste of what I could be like--being gone from home for hours and hours. I have a feeling for the first few days I will be in heaven and that by the end, I'll be more exhausted than should be legal.

Having grandparents around really helps me in so many ways. Not just the making of macaroni and cheese, and the folding of laundry and the putting of children to bed....but the laughter! My mom is dying laughing over everything they are doing. And it helps my mood immensely. Instead of yelling at someone when kids are not sharing (read: BECCA) my mom is usually laughing so hard that I can't help but lighten up. Becca will be running around the house screaming at the top of her lungs and I'm about to snap and I look over and mom's chair is shaking so hard because she's laughing. Also, for some reason, when my mom is in the same house with me, I take the World's Best Naps. I can't explain it, but there is something so relaxing and comforting to me about it. I lay down and wake up two hours later. The kids seem to be doing the same. It is the best.

Things I Am Not Sick Of

2009-10-02T12:55:00.003-04:00

* John helping me clean the house and then declaring it to be pizza night.

* People coming to stay with us. My parents arrive tonight! Grandparent time for my kids is the most priceless commodity I know of at the moment. Plus, it forces me to get my house clean (it only takes 4 days) and I really, really LOVE those precious 4 hours when it is all clean.

* These:

Things I Am Sick Of

2009-10-01T07:55:00.003-04:00

* Sleep Regressions. I can handle so much (more) if I've had enough sleep. But, when my formerly Sleeping Through the Night Kid decides to start waking up 3 times a night, I am toast. I am a fragile blown glass vase, ready to shatter at a moment's notice. I was reading Ann Lamott last night and she described living with a baby as having a malfunctioning alarm clock that keeps going off often and sporadically...and is set to the heavy metal station. Exactly. I wish Ann lived with me. She would make all this so much funnier.

* Stepping on my jeans. I have zero pairs of perfect jeans. Zero. Including the pair I just bought last week. I am so tired of these long jeans. I'm tired of walking on them. I'm tired of them dragging on the ground. I'm tired of trying to cuff them because that looks ridiculous. I'm tired of not being able to wear the same pair of jeans with heels or with flip flops. Am I asking too much from jeans? Have my legs shrunk?

* Making coffee. Can't it just make itself by now? And clean itself up? God. Maybe I need one of these.

Positive Mindset and a Delicious Recipe

2009-09-30T15:47:00.003-04:00

I'm putting out the fall decorations. I don't know why I have so many. I have lots of Christmas decorations....that makes sense. Christmas decorations are ubiquitous. And then I have nothing else but a ton of fall decorations. I can't really figure out why I have decided that this one season needs to be celebrated with so many fake pumpkins, but....alas, that is what we have. So, I'm putting out the leaves and gourds and pumpkins and pumpkin spice candles. And, I am desperately trying to keep my mindset on the good parts of this season and not the impending doom I feel approaching (H1N1, I'm looking at you, and your stupid counterpart the Stomach Virus).

But Fall. Yes. Fall. I'm loving wearing jeans. And drinking hot drinks during the day. And turning off the air conditioner, but not turning on the heater. I also love turning on the oven, and cooking things. The other night we had one of the best meals I have ever made. Meg sent me the recipe.

Run, don't walk, to your store and buy these ingredients and make this immediately. You won't be sorry. The meat is perfectly tender. Emeril's Korean-Style Pork Lettuce Wraps.

Ingredients
1 1/2 pounds pork tenderloin, trimmed
1/4 cup soy sauce
1 tablespoon sugar
4 teaspoons toasted sesame oil
1/2 cup chopped green onions
1 tablespoon minced garlic
1 tablespoon minced fresh ginger (I used the refrigerated ginger paste from the produce section)
2 tablespoons Sriracha hot chili sauce (I could only find Thai style chili sauce and it was good)
4 teaspoons honey
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
2 tablespoons sesame seeds, toasted
1 1/2 cups cooked jasmine rice
1 head Boston, Bibb, or butter lettuce, leaves separated, washed, and patted dry

Directions
Wrap the pork tenderloin in several sheets of plastic wrap and place in the freezer for 40 minutes. (This is to make it easier to thinly slice, so make sure it doesn't freeze completely.)
In a medium mixing bowl, combine the soy sauce, sugar, 2 teaspoons of the sesame oil, green onion, garlic, and ginger. Whisk together until the sugar dissolves.

Take the pork out of the freezer and unwrap on a clean cutting board. Slice the pork into thin strips, about 1/4-inch thick, 1/4-inch wide, and 2 1/2 inches long. Place the pork strips in the soy marinade, cover, and refrigerate for 1 hour. (I think longer is better. I did about 5 hours, but next time am going to do it overnight).

In a small mixing bowl, combine the Sriracha hot chili sauce, the honey, and the remaining 2 teaspoons of sesame oil. Stir to combine. Set aside.

When the pork has marinated, take the bowl out of the refrigerator and let it sit at room temperature for 15 minutes.

Heat the vegetable oil in a large skillet over high heat. Using a slotted spoon, remove the pork from the marinade and carefully place in the skillet. (Be careful that the drippings don't splatter out of the pan.) Cook the pork, stirring constantly with tongs or a wooden spoon, 4 to 5 minutes, until the pork is cooked through. Remove from the heat and stir in the sesame seeds.
To serve, spoon several tablespoons of rice into the center of a lettuce leaf, taco-style. Top with a few pork strips and drizzle with a few drops of the chili mixture. Roll up and eat!

Resume Life

2009-09-27T15:43:00.009-04:00

We are back home, again! More travel! We spent a few days in South Carolina visiting John's dad and stepmom, Jane. We had a great time! The kids went to a cool kids museum where both kids enjoyed the Construction Zone and the Fairy Tale Land. We celebrated Andrew's first birthday. Like his big sister, he was largely unimpressed by his birthday cake. But, he did love his gifts of balls and moving vehicles, though. (His favorite things!)

I had a wonderful afternoon by myself. I got to drive John and Jane's convertible around--that was a blast! I ate lunch at Jason's Deli with only a cheesy teen vampire novel for company. I shopped all by myself. I got a manicure and a pedicure all by myself. Side note: is it just my shitty, peeling, paper-thin nails? Or does everyone's manicure start peeling by the end of day one and look completely trashy by the end of day two?

Andrew decided he really liked Papa John's remote control Porsche.Becca got to do whatever she wanted, with lots of attention, so naturally, she was happy.

I'm trying to get a grip on life now and looking forward to my parents' visit this coming weekend! We are loving all this grandparent time we're getting. It is fabulous!

Happy Birthday, Andrew!

2009-09-23T04:34:00.001-04:00

Happy First Birthday, Andrew! from Katie "The Yap" on Vimeo.

If There's No Queso in Heaven, I Don't Wanna Go

2009-09-20T21:07:00.010-04:00

Oh dear. Hi, Readers. Are you still out there? Have I turned into one of those people who post so infrequently and then come back to say "Oh! Sorry it has been so long!"...and then continues on not posting? Damn. I am usually so verbose and anxiety-ridden that I can't go more than a couple days without blogging about some kind of germ-fest or another. Or some kind of nap-strike that has me losing my sanity.

Anyway. I've been busy (LAME excuse and so overused). The kids and I went to Austin for a few days because John was "deployed" to Florida. I really have a problem using that word, but evidently the Guard considers it an actual "deployment" (snort!) even though it involves beach-front accomodations in Florida. After considering my alternatives, which included lots of me hanging around the house yelling at the kids....I came to my senses. I packed them up and headed down to my parents' house.

We had a blast doing pretty much NOTHING. Well, I did pretty much nothing. Becca and my dad were quite busy. One morning I woke up at 7:45 a.m. and came out to hear that they had already been swinging, had soft-boiled eggs in egg cups, fed the worms, watered the garden and baked a pie. All before 8 a.m. A match made in pre-dawn heaven, those two.

Andrew mostly just wandered around whining and wiping snot on everything and not sleeping. He did discover my dad's hat collection with much glee, however.

As for me, I ate queso for every possible meal, with an enchilada thrown in every once in a while for good measure. I saw friends, neighbors and my sister. I got to go to Chuy's with Ashley where I somehow ended up without my credit cards--and she had to pay for her own birthday lunch (Klassy!) I had a girls' night with Meg--grown up style, with beverages, sweat pants and bedtimes before midnight. I also took the best nap ever in a quiet room, with a ceiling fan, a white noise machine, a temper-pedic mattress and a gripping book while my mom took charge of the kids. Heaven. Pure heaven.

Cool

2009-09-10T07:11:00.009-04:00

I'm sitting here in a quiet house. The windows open, chilly air coming in, an autumn breeze rustling the leaves outside. The news is on, the paper is next to me. I have a few moments to wake up in peace, start the toaster, drink some coffee....

Why don't I set my alarm and wake up before the kids every day? It is so nice to wake up slowly instead of being tossed into a hurricane the minute my eyes open. Kids demanding things left and right, everyone needing something right now. I love being dressed and caffeinated before they emerge.

Today I really need to clean the house. I will never, ever understand how it happens, but it gets trashed so fast. I know I have young kids, and that they drag toys left and right and up and down, and dump out boxes of things, and empty cabinets, and dirty laundry, and spill things and throw food on the floor....but how am I unable to stay on top of it? I can manage to keep it somewhat together if I never, ever let down my guard and make sure I'm doing something all the time to maintain order. That gets old, day after day. I don't have enough motivation to be constantly vigilant. If I give up for one evening, it all goes to shit. It doesn't seem fair that just because I have to watch three episodes of Mad Men, that the house should descend into squalor. And why does it still bother me? You'd think I'd be over it by now. I'm a Taurus. Stubborn.

I'm feeling a little better about the onset of fall than I was a few weeks ago. I usually love the transition into wearing jeans and sleeping with the windows open, buried under a down comforter. I look forward to autumn leaves, pumpkin patches, apple harvesting festivals. I've been panicked this year because of that pesky H1N1 thing that has me all in a tizzy. I'm trying to keep it in perspective. I'm so tired of worrying about it, that I'm going to try a new technique--denial, ignoring, and chanting a new mantra to myself "It may be a sucky virus season, but we're all going to be fine. We're all going to be fine."

I'm going to try to just enjoy the season for what it really is: Feeling comfortable outside, the routine of preschool, the smell of Yankee Candle's Harvest candles, and the arrival of Pumpkin Spice Lattes at Starbucks.

Back in the Trenches

2009-09-07T15:01:00.008-04:00

Ahhhh yes. Holiday weekends. The sound of lawn mowers. People having parties. Me and the kids going it alone while poor John works all weekend. Fevers. Sore Throat. Urgent Care Centers. Antibiotics.

You know. The usual. I blame the hotel room.

So, Becca is eating a diet of milkshakes, Motrin and popsicles to help her throat while spiking 104 temps, and I'm cleaning the house and obsessively checking the Internet while Andrew is following me around whining, and/or learning how to watch TV with his sister.

You know. The usual.

I have my big audition tomorrow night for the choir I was in two years ago, and I'm stricken with fear (I know! Me? No way!) that I'm going to wake up tomorrow with strep. Last year I waddled in to the audition (they audition everyone every year) 8 months pregnant (or 9 months? Was it 9 months pregnant?). My voice cracked on the high note and I told them I wasn't available for the first 6 months of the season. That didn't go over so well, I guess. I am really hoping for a good voice day tomorrow. I've been videotaping myself singing, and wow. If you ever feel like torturing yourself, this is a good way. It is painful for me to watch. But, in lieu of a voice teacher, it seems to be helping. "What am I doing!? I look like a complete FREAK! Why am I slumping over to one side? Why is my mouth doing that? Is my left shoulder just going up and down by itself? This is a disaster!" John patiently sits there trying to play XBox in peace while I scream in horror at my tics.

In other news, Andrew is just getting more and more personality. When I sing, Becca covers her ears and screams, "NOOOOO!" Andrew just looks at me with the most sparkling eyes and smiles. He loves music and smiles and dances whenever one of his toys starts playing music. He also really loves balls. They are by far his favorite toys. He just sort of chases them around the house all day. Or sticks. Any kind of stick will do, even if it is really a magic wand. He loves to bang them on things. Occasionally he'll stop to empty out a kitchen cabinet, or to spit on the floor and play in it. He still doesn't babble a whole lot....but he does say MomMomMomMom--especially when hungry. He pretty much only walks now.....and since he's kind of a short kid, it is pretty funny to see him completely mobile--walking around on the sidewalk outside. He is determined to figure out the little baby slide we have outside, but can't quite understand what he's supposed to do.

Well. Shit. I just pulled Becca's germ-ridden sippy cup out of Andrew's mouth. So much for germ control. And now he's trying to pull my camera off the counter. Guess that's my cue to sign off! I hope you are all having a fun, germ-free holiday...

When Travelling With Small Chidren....Stay Home

2009-09-03T14:46:00.010-04:00

Bolstered by our recent success on a two night stay in a hotel with both kids, we thought we'd try it again! After all, it was great! Easy! Our kids are awesome travellers! We are great parents who take their kids everywhere and have a wonderful time! Bring on the family adventures! Why don't we do this more often? This isn't bad.

We found a good deal on an ocean-front motel in southern New Jersey (where I'd read one of the best beaches in America can be found. Cape May. Our motel was just a bit up the road from it.) We packed up the car and headed out on the open road. Ah! This is GREAT! We can't WAIT to get to the beach.

As we got closer to the motel location, my stomach just sank. It looked....gross. Shabby. Dirty. Rather ghetto. Not a tree in sight. Just cement and cement buildings right up to the beach. Like this--except it seemed worse in person.

No problem! It is alright. We are adventure people. We can handle this. But the room. Gah! The stains on various things. The disgusting...heating unit? I guess? That had some kind of dusty meshy thing just dangling out on the wall. The peeling paint. The carpet that was growing some various new species in it. I felt dirty just looking in that room.

No problem! We are going to the beach! It will be wonderful!

Except for when you child does this for 24 straight hours.

Well, maybe not 24 straight hours. He did do this for a brief moment.

But, then he fell down and stuffed sand in his mouth and rubbed sand in his eyes and went right back to crying.

"We can't let a little whining get us down!" we exclaimed. We put on our extreme parental chipper voices and said in a sing-songy a way, "Let's walk on the beach!" It is just a little windy. And a tad bit cool. One of our children is in a good mood. Except then she got wet. And the wind felt as though we were in a hurricane. And sand was blowing all over. And the one kid in a good mood, suddenly went into Whine Mode Extraordinare.

Okay! We'll just go take a dip in the heated outdoor pool! It will be fine. Except it didn't feel very heated. Then the children were really freezing. Shaking and lips turning blue...meltdowns galore.

No problem! We'll just head back to the hotel and give them little naps. In our oh-so-unpleasant-possibly-grossest-motel-room-I've-ever-seen room. After an hour of pacing back and forth, holding the baby, he finally conked out. At 5 p.m.

People, this is when we looked at each other and said, "We're not staying two nights." We're freezing our asses off on the beach. The kids are having one nonstop meltdown and this room is likely infecting us with something as we speak.

After waking the children up around 6:30 p.m. (Parents, you KNOW how screwed up children act when awoken from hideously late naps? Oh yes. You do.) we went out to dinner. I don't know how, but we made it through and got everyone back and into bed.

John and I slept on the pull-out sofa. And, when laying on our backs, our heads and feet were lower than our middles. So, that was a really comfy night.

Naturally, the kids woke up to allow us to witness the sunrise. We were packed, dressed, checked out and loaded in the car before 8 a.m. We were tempted to just drive straight home, but decided to at least check out Cape May...our original destination.."just down the road." And what do you know? It was lovely. The beach was beautiful. The town was quaint and clean and leafy. There were sweet little restaurants and nice oceanfront places that looked as though they had likely seen some bleach in their bathrooms sometime in the last century. Well, damn. Apparently "just up the road" from somewhere in New Jersey means something different to them than it does to me. Because this? This place I could handle.

All was not lost, as I forced my unwilling family to pose for a family photo and got a decent souvenir.

Heaven is....

2009-08-30T20:44:00.004-04:00

...having a new babysitter who Becca A.D.O.R.E.S. She showed up this afternoon with a GIANT bag full of toys and dress up clothes. I thought it would be like bringing coals to Newcastle, but apparently it was a giant hit with the kids. Becca said after we took her home, "She is best babysitter ever." And she sighed while looking out the window after her. "I can't wait for her to come back and play with me and I hope she brings those puppy toys." I don't think they turned on the television at all. The dinner dishes were cleaned up. The toys were all put away. The kids were happy when we got home. JACKPOT!!!! (Though I did kind of want to ask her about her sterilization techniques on the toys.)

John and I went out to see District 9. I'm not a fan of alien type movies at all, but this one was actually really good. I enjoyed it. It was different....done by Peter Jackson of Lord of the Rings movie fame. Then, we went to Bonefish Grill and ate Bang Bang shrimp, drank Sam Adams Octoberfest (DEAR GOD is the Summer Ale already DONE?) and split a salmon entree. Good good good. Whoever developed that Bang Bang recipe is a genius. It is heaven.

I spent today's naptime cleaning the house pretty well. Then, we left right after the kids woke up from their naps and returned right before their bedtime. I didn't want to overwhelm the new sitter the first night with bedtime duty. John put Andrew to bed, and I put Becca to bed. For some strange and annoying reason, Andrew sleeps later if someone else puts him to bed. If Mommy does it? He wakes up for the day at 5:45 a.m. If someone else does it? He sleeps until around 7 or later. I do not know why. And it sucks, because mostly I do it. And I LOVE putting him to bed. Love it. Apparently he loves it too because he wakes up ass-early to get some more of it.

But, my point was that now the house is clean. The kids had fun. The parents got a break. The kids are in bed. And we still have hours to ourselves! The REAL early bird special is 3:30 p.m. people. Get on that.

Just Like That....

2009-08-27T14:31:00.006-04:00

Sometimes all I have to do is blog about my bad mood and it magically disappears. I guess that is why the journals I've kept over the course of my lifetime are filled with awful tear-streaked rants. I'll pick one up when I'm feeling overwhelmed and upset and will write, write, write. Should I ever happen to just pick one up and read it, I am horrified by how negative it all seems. Flashback to seventh grade: "I hate them all! I hate everyone! I hate my life!") I don't ever journal about the good days. I will go a year or more without writing and then I just open it back up to vent again. Note to self: burn all journals before I die.

What I'm saying is, I feel better today! Funk seems to be gone, for the most part. Is it that I wrote about it? Is it that John is coming home tonight and may have a day or two off (for the first time in 18 days?) Is it that the sun is shining and the kids ate outside today and the kitchen is cleaned and dinner is made? Probably.

Whatever it is, I'll take it.

*****
Had an appointment with Becca's allergist yesterday. Mentioned the two bee stings she got this summer and the rash that happened on her trunk afterwards. Now she has to have an epi-pen. F*ck!!!

Doctor totally recommended the H1N1 vaccine for everyone, especially children. I think I may bite the bullet and go for it. Especially once he said the word encephalitis. Of course, he hadn't heard of the adjuvant in the H1N1 vaccine that I was worried about. Is it possible I've over-researched this?

(You: Oh no. Not you!)

*****
There's all kinds of drama going on at Becca's preschool. They keep switching teachers on us at the last minute and the parents are fed up and pissed off. Everyone thinks the teaching from last year was lacking and is worried it won't be academic enough this year. And I am just kind of......not that concerned about that portion of it. I wish they did more creative stuff--how about finger painting? Or more plays/shows/songs? I am just not all that freaked out about academics in preschool? Am I missing something? Is this what our society has come to? Massive hysteria over the preschool teachers?

(Where's my cocktail, beyotches? This isn't my cup of tea.)

Funky

2009-08-25T21:03:00.003-04:00

I've been in a rut lately, I think. I'm not really sure why....because all is well. I am just kind of...feeling.....meh. I think part of it is that I've arranged my life around Andrew's dual nap schedule and he is not cooperating and screaming through them while I'm cursing and wishing we had just gone out and done something instead. And part of it is being ready for Becca to go back to preschool because Momma needs a freaking BREAK up in this bitch. But yet as soon as I even HEAR the word school all I think of is H1N1 virus and I start to get an anxiety attack. I seriously may need professional help to deal with a pandemic. I am not cut out for this shit. I am a germaphobe. I spend a good portion of every day worrying about swine flu, and I can't seem to rationalize myself out of it. I probably think about it about 50 times a day, on a good day. You don't want to know about the bad days.

I know my kids are going to get viruses. They are going to be sick from time to time. I know that. I also know that worrying solves nothing and just brings me down. It is a waste of time. I know that. And I also know that the media hypes stuff up just to try to give people like me massive coronaries.

I guess I just get all worked up because Becca ends up having a seizure and being in an ambulance for an ear infection and spends 4 days in the hospital for a run-of-the-mill virus, so what the hell is going to happen if she gets H1N1? And I am worried about the vaccine. I really don't want to give it to Andrew (because they are already vaccinating the hell out of him this year) and I'm scared to give it to Becca because how do I know it is safe in the long term? And what if I get the virus and have to try to take care of the kids by myself? I want to hide under a rock in the Canadian Rockies and not come out until 2011. But that would be cold. And I would probably lose what is left of my tattered mind if I had to stay under a rock with the kids all the time.

So, here I sit. Being a completely irrational anxiety-ridden freak--knowing as soon as school starts the virus parade begins....and then, on the other hand, I'm wishing preschool started sooner.

(Help.)

Summer

2009-08-21T15:23:00.014-04:00

One of my major goals this summer was to be home every morning so Andrew could take his morning nap. Because, let's face it folks, napping is at the top of my goals list. Now, John may have had a different goal--like making sure Becca got more comfortable with the idea of swimming. But, not me. I went back to my fanatical, "Do NOT mess with the nap schedule" mindset. I learned it from my mom. If it meant I had to leave the house before 11 a.m. I was not doing it. And so the summer unfolded. Rapidly. Before I know what has happened everything is about Back to School and Beware of Quickly Spreading Pandemics. The baby is walking. The pre-schooler is completely potty-trained. The baby is sleeping through the night (oh please Lord don't smite me because I put it in print.) The pre-schooler can finally ride her tricycle.

We've colored every My Little Pony coloring page in existence on the Web. We've played with every toy in the house. We've discovered the joy of sharpening colored pencils. We've left the lid off of the sandbox through a few too many rain showers. We've found and captured and tortured every toad within a 2 block radius. We've travelled. We've gone to the creek. We've gone fishing. We've had swim lessons and gymnastics class. We've had visitors. We've eaten fresh peach pie. We've had picnics and gone to playgrounds. We've done the summer reading program at the library. We've gone to the pool and the gym. And, most importantly, most importantly, we've napped.

Lately

2009-08-17T08:10:00.004-04:00

Lookin' all old and KID-like
Painting and coloring Pony Coloring Pages....hour after hour

Playing with Mom's old toy

Eating a "Mum Mum"....Andrew's first word (it was Becca's as well)

At the playground

Walking around with a pink ribbon stuck to his foot (a common sight)