Dear Piece-of-Shit Airline Industry,
I have been a faithful customer for years. Living in Alaska (twice) and Korea has afforded me the opportunity to spend thousands of hours crammed into your filthy, rickety, nonreclining seats watching scowling flight attendants run by, hoping no one catches their eye or--horror!--actually thinks they can request something.
[Miss? A glass of water? Please? I've been crammed in this window seat for the last 9 hours and the big fat guy next to me is snoring and I can't get out. *Hack, hack* Miss? And maybe a catheter? Please? Hey. Where are you going? I know you heard me!]
I have spent enough to buy a Hummer paying for seats on these disease-ridden planes, complete with puddles of unidentified liquids in the lavatories, airline meals that gave me food poisoning causing me to get fired from my winery job (that was back when they actually still had meals), sticky goo on the tray tables and people so filled with air rage that I vow I will never fly again. My friend's baby just contracted hand, foot and mouth virus from one of your repulsive flying machines. And, please...let's not even talk about the nastiness I see down around the sides of the seats. I gag when I think about it.
But, then, I decide I really do need my child to know her grandparents. So, I saddle back up and do what I vowed never to do again.
On top of all this, somehow is it cheaper to fly for 34 hours (from Fairbanks, to Anchorage, to Seattle, to Chicago, to Memphis, to Houston then FINALLY to Austin) than it is to travel for 9 hours with just one or two layovers.
Could you assholes please explain this to me? I'm convinced that I'm dealing with a giant group of nitwits, because with the cost of fuel being sky high, why would you charge more for using less? How is is possible to be cheaper to fly longer? Maybe you wouldn't be going bankrupt if you considered this. Just a thought.
I hate you.
A Pissed Off Customer
One Year Later
5 days ago
7 comments:
Ha! Ha! I don't get that either. They tried to get me to fly from Anchorage, Salt Lake, Chicago, Atlanta, and then Arkansas. Georgia? Way past Arkansas, guys. Instead, I sat my bum in Salt Lake for a 9 hour layover. I mean, I walked all over the terminal with a 5 month old.
Aaaah, this is the reason I haven't left Alaska but 3 times since moving here 3 years ago until next week's trip to AZ. Our trip home consists of an overnight in Seattle, at least it is long enough to warrant getting a room!! On another note, you should get paid to write......seriously!
You know there is a Houston-Anchorage nonstop flight on Continental, right? Or is this a bad time to say that?
Ali--yes, I know. That lovely ticket costs about about 1400 dollars. Bastards.
Oh, this post made me laugh out loud at my computer. Thanks! But I'm sorry for your airline troubles.
Speaking of which, do you ever watch the show Airline? It's on some cable channel and they film all these airline horror stories in Southwest terminals. It sounds like a terrible idea for a show, right? But dang, it's actually pretty hilarious to watch.
Though, definitely DO NOT watch it right before you fly somewhere. You'll be anxiety-riddent the whole time, thinking that you're about to be sentenced to Death By Waiting For A Plane.
Too funny and oh so true.
Post a Comment