A Rebel Yell

*Update at bottom*

Ummmmmm....people? Who replaced my normally angelic baby with a screaming maniacal demon last night? I know it was one of you. Fess up. Because I want you to return the kid who sleeps at night. And doesn't scream at the top of her lungs for 4 straight hours.

Remember that kid? Me neither....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZ!

*blink blink*

Sorry. I guess I fell asleep. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes. Lots of screaming.

Excuse me while I drink approximately 1/2 gallon of coffee.

My mantra from last night was, "Seriously, Becca...WTF?" I must have said that about 90 trillion times as I listened to her wail and shriek like I've never heard before. It was more of an angry yell, really. Combined with some coughing/gagging noises. That is a sure-fire recipe to have Mom come running her ass into the nursery to make sure her little angel isn't strangling herself in the crib bumper ties.

Which she wasn't. And, once I got in there she would stop crying and look around and say, "Lamb!" So, I checked her diaper, and then we spent about an hour in the La-Z-Boy in the basement, rock rock rocking. As soon as I stood up to take her back to her crib a WAIL OF DOOM ensued. So, I rocked her in her room for a while. Nursed her until I thought I could take it no more, while wondering how this weaning shit is so hard. Waited and waited for her to fall asleep, gingerly put her down in her crib, turned around.....and.....wait for it......

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! NNNEEEEEEEEEE AAAAEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEHHHH!!!

This is a baby who has been putting herself to sleep for months now. I always put her down in her crib while she is still awake. This isn't some new fangled thing, so I do not get the problem. At one point, during our 4 hours of NO SLEEP, I took her out to her toy basket in the dining room and dumped her on the floor. Then, we both cried. I snuffled, "Mommy hasn't slept in 20 hours. I've been up since 5:15 yesterday morning. Becca, WTF??????"

I gave her Motrin in case she was in some kind of pain. Rock rock rocked her for another hour or so. She was tired, rubbing her eyes, nodding off.....but as soon as I moved to put her back in her bed it was as though someone had skewered and marinated her. My baby: angry kabob meat.

I finally just gave up, tossed her in the crib, closed the doors between our rooms and laid there in the dark tensing every muscle listening to her cry for another hour. Finally, after 2 a.m. we both fell asleep. At 5 a.m. John's alarm woke me up. Becca awoke at 6:00. Holy hell, people....who did I anger? The Mafia? Vladimir Putin? Is there poison in my coffee?

Desperately, I took her back to bed with me at 6:30 (after realizing she was not returning to sleep) and nursed her until she fell asleep for another half hour or so. Again: weaning? Not so much. Then, she just woke up fresh as a damn daisy. Bright eyed and playful. She bit my nose, giggled, slapped my belly, and flailed around on the pillows, giggling. She is now wandering all over the house exclaiming about how wonderful life is and talking and being totally sweet. It is as though last night never happened.

Except, my haggard appearance, narcolepsy and pulsing headache tell another story.

***Update***
Holy Mofos @#$@##$@($*%&!!!!!!!!!!! I know that I am often dramatic here on this blog, for the sake of comedy. But, believe me when I tell you that I am currently one big quivering exposed nerve right now. The kind of nerve you would find on a bad hangnail. That is me. I am twitching and jerking.

Becca screamed through her morning nap. Screamed for one whole hour. I picked her up after that hour was over, fed her lunch and let her play. She is currently screaming through her afternoon nap. There is nothing WRONG with her. I do not believe she is teething, but I gave her Motrin again, just in case. I know she is ass-tired. My god! She would have to be after not only sleeping a few hours out of the last 24.

I am so tired that I feel like I'm jumping out of my skin. I have that nauseous, shaky feeling that I used to get after pulling all-nighters in college. My brain feels like it fell over sideways in my head and is melting into a rotten mess over by my right ear. I have not been this tired since....perhaps two days after Becca was born.

Someone PLEASE tell me what the hell is wrong with this child. She isn't acting sick at all. No runny nose. No fever. No teething drool. It is as though she is just pissed off at me for having the gall to think she should sleep. She is YELLING AT ME. I am so desperate for a nap that I can taste it. It tastes like gingerbread. Warm, cozy gingerbread that I am not allowed to eat. It is just sitting there taunting me.....Oh Nap God--what ever did I do to anger you?

And, I have somewhere very important I have to be in about an hour and a half. She will probably fall asleep just before we have to leave. God help me.