Weekend Getaway and Genius Invention Idea

I keep trying to write up a blurb about our weekend getaway to Chena Hot Springs, but, there are just too many disjointed details. So, you know what this calls for: a list! Yes! I love lists! With bullets!

• Quote of the weekend from John: "I hate Alaska vacations."


• He later clarified that he meant Alaska winter vacations, because they are usually just overpriced and kind of gross, and, as one friend put it: "pube-infested."


• We had to listen to some lady having sex in the room across from ours. I was totally grossed out.


• Other quote of the weekend from John: "You know when you open up the pack and play, that you are in for a bad night of sleep." (Of course, he slept straight through the night. I woke up every ten minutes whenever Becca stirred.)


• We watched a toddler throw the biggest tantrum ever. In the restaurant. The mother was so irritated that she just threw him on the floor between her chair and the wall, covered him entirely with a blanket and kept on eating. The kid was trashing under the blanket and making dramatic gargling, gurgling sounds and screaming. John and my eyes opened wide in horror as we gawped in that kid's direction and then looked back at each other. Then, we both looked at Becca, sitting there throwing Cheerios on the floor with a giant grin on her face, and said to her, "Thank you for being so wonderful!"


• Despite being wonderful, the kid still will not walk in the snow. I keep dressing her in less and less bulky clothing and her usual shoes. Doesn't matter. She just stands there! What a freak!


• Quote from massage therapist: "I recommend Shiatsu, oxygen bar, and you lie on board for ten minute. Flatten back. Only 150 dollars."


• I think that if you pay 90 dollars for a massage, you probably shouldn't feel sore for two days after. Don't you? Are massages supposed to make you sore? I didn't think so. Also, isn't 90 dollars a bit steep? I'm pretty sure we got ripped off.

The massage cabin

• Did you know that Jesus is attracted to baby monitor lights? We brought the monitor out to the outdoor rock lake/hot spring late at night while Becca slept. I traipsed all around looking for a place to perch the dang thing so it would still be in range. I set it up and suddenly this dude who looked just like Jesus came right over to investigate those "strange lights" on the rock. Then, he wouldn't stop talking to us. And, he was a close talker. And a weird talker. And, John and I kept backing away from him until we were smack up against the rocks. And he kept standing up out of the water and flinging his hair over his back. And we were having flashbacks to the sketch with Will Farrell on SNL as the nasty hot tub bearded guy. Ew.


• As we were in the rock lake, looking up at the stars (no visible aurora, unfortunately), John said, "I'm ready to just go home tonight." I jumped all over him and told him to just relax and try to have fun, etc. This was when the part about hating vacations came out.


• After not sleeping all night, I woke him up in the morning and said, "Pack it up. We are going home NOW. I hate vacations." We drove home before dawn, while I planned out my nap schedule.

I used to say, back when I was care- and child free (and also a bit clueless), that I would never let having kids slow me down. I would pack them up and go! We'd have adventures. We'd do the same things we always do, just with kids. Ummmm....I take it all back. It is just so much hassle to go anywhere with a toddler that it just negates most of the benefit of going.

First, the amount of stuff that has to be packed for a one night trip is insane. Then, trying to get Becca and I changed in and out of wet bathing suits in a cramped, wet, pube-infested locker room is just not my idea of fun. Not to mention that I'm totally skeeved out by indoor pools. I know it is the same as an outdoor pool, but it seems to much more nasty. Becca did eventually enjoy swimming in the indoor pool, and I know it is good for her (and us) to get out.

But, when you get approximately 0.01 hours of sleep, it just is hardly worth it. I need my sleep, people. Sleep is my vacation, okay? No sleep? No vacation for Mama.

I got to thinking as I didn't sleep all night (as I woke up with every cough, sniffle, movement or sigh from the pack and play) about the most brilliant idea ever. But, I am hesitant to mention it because someone will steal it and make it come true and become rich and buy themselves a Carribbean island with all the money. But, I am foolhardy, so here goes: Wouldn't it be smart to design family friendly hotel rooms? Rooms with divider screens that can be pulled down the center of the room, keeping the sleeping kids on the other side of the screen? Wouldn't that be so smart? The TV would be on the parents' side, of course, along with the bathroom and door. The screen would have a peep hole and on the other side of the screen would be a white noise machine. I'm telling you...this is genius!

I would be lying if I didn't tell you that it wasn't all bad. It was very beautiful, and we did enjoy the ice coated scenery and a few moments of peace and solitude in the hot spring. It was an adventure! I would recommend going there, honestly. The rooms are clean, the food is good. The people are weird. Also, it is quite an awesome feeling to be submerged in hot water, steam swirling all around, while your hair is becoming coated in frost crystals and the stars sparkle overhead. I know that once I recover from the effort, and take about five showers, I will be glad we went!