Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Adventure Quest

It feels like my whole life was spent changing, moving, re-adjusting, settling in, having a big life event, and then re-doing it all again. Zigging and zagging, constantly changing. Nothing staying the same. Going off to college, transferring to another college, getting married. Moving, moving. Moving again. To a border town in Texas, to Alaska, to New England, to Las Vegas, to Korea, back to Alaska. Having a baby. Leaving the Air Force, moving to the East Coast. Having another baby. Adjusting. And....then....now we have been settled here for almost 6 years. HOLY SHIT. 6 YEARS!!!! And it is kind of just......a straight road. Not a whole lot of changes. Here come the tulips in the same place as last year. Oh. I guess it has been two years since we had the deck stained. I think that is partially why I haven't been as active blogging. Things have evened out. We have a definite rhythm that we never had before. It is good. I wonder if the robins will return and lay eggs again this spring? Look how big that rosemary plant has gotten. It is good. And it is boring.

I'm in a loop:

Every fall I get all anxious about all the fall events, holidays, birthdays, Mommy crap. I have a near anxiety melt-down over pulling off a perfect stress-free Christmas.

And then every January I get on here and bitch about winter and wanting to go to Texas.  And for all of February every year I am on realty websites picking out our new house in Texas. Every other post for the past few years has been about how homesick I am for Texas.

And then every spring I decide it is beautiful and great here.

And then every summer we travel all over and do a million things and generally love life.

And then every late summer I grumble about when is school going to start and why do I live so far from my family.

Repeat. Repeat.

Is this normal?  My mother in law says I'm restless. Maybe that is all it is.

I feel like it just brings on middle age so fast. Everything is so predictable. I want to pull the kids out of school, sell the house, rent an RV, buy a homeschool curriculum and just GO. Be adventurous.


Swistle said...

I get that same sort of...RUT feeling. A bit of a holding-pattern. I've been trying to channel that into doing some new things---like, "Okay, since I'm not getting pregnant and nursing babies, maybe I'll...cook different things for dinner..." but it's not quite working.

I feel like a lot of my peers are in the same place. There's a group of us who all have kindergarteners as our youngest kids; kindergarten is only a 3-hour program here, and all of us are thinking "NEXT year...when ALL our kids are in school all day...THEN what?"

Katie said...

Yes, Swistle. EXACTLY. It is like a pre-middle age phase feeling to me. I guess it is time to focus back on myself and doing something different and new. Instead I tend to focus outwards and want to MOVE. Or GO. Get away. I need to find productive ways to channel it into my reality.

Smitty 1, 2 , 3 and 4 said...

A visit to Cali would help. :)

Angie said...

Homeschool, Katie? Hmm. We talk all of the time about moving, going back to Europe to live, or something. At the same time, I am not bored. Not yet, anyway!

Natalie said...

While I do look forward to my forever home and finding a town where hippie, opinionated, weird me (I'm okay with all that) fits in, I do wonder how I'm going to adjust to a life of not always moving around or going on constant adventures where real history lives. I've lived in Europe for so long, I have a panic attack when I even think about actually doing it - actually going back to the States and, OMG, STAYING there! So, I can see how it can get boring for you. I wish I had advice, I don't b/c I'm there yet. Let me know how you work it out - b/c I'll need advice from you in the future!