Analyze This

Lately I've been having my annoying recurring nightmare. It is terrifying. I wake up in a panic, full of anxiety, my teeth clenched in dread, sweating and heart pounding.

I dream about packing. No, really. I do. I dream about suitcases that are so heavy I can't carry them. I dream about closets so full of shit that I can't fathom how it will all fit in the available packing space. I dream that I am trying and trying to get to the airport on time, but I just have to finish packing...and oh crap! My closet is empty. Where is everything? How will I pack? I'm running late. The bus is pulling away from the curb. Wait! Please wait for me! *SOB* I almost have everything packed, but oh no! There's a whole other pile of stuff that I have to somehow fit in. But I can't carry any more. Oh no. What am I going to do?

Ack! My chest is constricting just typing this.

I always wondered WHY I dream about this stuff and why its so traumatic when I do. Then, I realized one day, that really I actually live this scenario on a regular basis in my daily life. And it is totally traumatizing. I am constantly packing, moving, going somewhere temporarily, unpacking, repacking etc.

Now I'm reliving it again. I just spent two hours packing up boxes of stuff to mail to Alaska. I laid awake last night remembering that I have to get a health certificate for Canyon. But what if they don't let her fly because its hotter than 85 degrees? THEN what will I do? And how the hell am I supposed to go out through security in Seattle, pick up my luggage, and my dog (all my myself with my baby and stroller!) and re-check in and go back through security all in an hour and 20 minutes? And why won't they check my crap all the way through to Fairbanks and who gives a shit if its a codeshare or not? And why do I have to leave from Houston instead of Austin? How is it possible that an 85 pound golden retriever won't fit on ANY planes departing Austin OR San Antonio? Somehow that 300 pound man who will inevitably sit next to me can fit on the plane.

And I'm going to be really pissed if we drive all the way to Houston and then they won't take my dog because its over 85 degrees. Because, HELLO! Its always over 85 degrees. In HOUSTON, TEXAS. And let me tell you another thing: It will be a hell of a lot easier on Canyon to endure 45 minutes of 85 degrees to get back to Alaska than it will be if she gets stuck here all summer when its 110 degrees.

Do you see what I mean? So, we really don't have to analyze that dream anymore. But what about this one?

I had a dream a few years back that just about scarred me for life. I dreamt I was holding my baby. Suddenly the baby got REALLY heavy. It weighed like 100 pounds. I was struggling to hold it. Then, the baby turned into a cat that was howling. Its mouth was this weird gaping hole with this awful wailing sound. Then, the cat/baby shot me in the face with a shotgun leaving me with a weird gaping wailing hole.

So, really. How totally messed up am I? Am I scared of cats? Was I scared of having a baby?

On a positive note, I finally had a flying dream for the first time! The kind where you are flying around like superman--not in a plane or anything. I've always wanted to have that dream. John and I were flying around side by side and looking down at the cool lights below.

Stay tuned for my next post on the photo shoot gone wrong.