Insomnia

It is 11:45 p.m. I have been laying in bed awake for an hour and forty five minutes. Tired. So, so tired. I listen to John and Canyon snoring away, peaceful, sleeping. It just makes me even less likely to actually fall asleep. My mind will just not turn off.

Don't forget to get the kennel out and assembled. And the vet health certificate! Must make vet appointment. When will I return the cable boxes? I wonder when we're actually leaving. Don't forget to pack the baby monitor. Oh, and don't forget to mark the barstools "Don't Pack" since they belong to the landlord. And the fireplace tools. And the storm windows. Where did I move those to anyway?

Every morning when I have to wake up at 6:30 a.m. after only 6 hours of sleep (I am a girl who really likes 9 hours, but I can survive on 8), I am so grumpy. I swear that "tonight I will go to bed early." All day long I am exhausted, just willing, begging, bribing Becca to take a nap because I can't keep my eyes open one more second.

What day should I have the electricity taken out of our name? I need to change our address on everything. I hate changing our address. I should really go through that junk drawer. I need to be sure to label the bedframe before the movers disassemble it, because God help me if we have to try to piece that puzzle back together again like we did this last move. Oh! And the medical records. I need to get those. We need to drain the oil from the lawn mower.

No matter what, I never, ever get to sleep early, even if I'm in bed at 9:30. For, the night hours are for ruminating and stressing out, not for sleeping. I am clenching my jaw so tight that my mouthguard is threatening to snap in half. My eyes are heavy and I can feel a draining fatigue weighing on my shoulders, but I just cannot sleep.

It is probably time to take down the basement curtain rods, so that I can be sure I have all the parts when I try to re-install them later. I wonder if the stroller counts as baggage if I check it at the counter? Don't forget to keep the important documents out. The work laptop needs to be returned.

All night long I create To-Do lists for myself, but when the morning arrives I am too tired to get started on them. Why do I do this to myself? Why? Tonight I wrote down an actual, detailed To-Do list before bed, but it didn't help. I just laid there thinking about the things I had written and other things I want to add to the list.

I tried using relaxation techniques I learned in yoga class...relaxing every muscle in my body and picturing my worries floating down a stream like floating leaves. Yea, right. Those leaves bunched up in a big soggy, mildewed mess right behind my eyes.

Maybe I should stay up all night actually doing the things I'm thinking about. I would still be tired the next day, but at least I would get something done. For now, maybe I'll go get the coffee set on extra strong auto brew for 6:00 a.m. when Becca is bound to wake up.

Update from the next morning: So, I didn't get to bed until about 1:40 a.m. I didn't do anything productive either. I finished the book I was reading, which was really nice. I tossed around for about another hour before finally falling asleep.

Then I awoke to a sound I have never heard before. It was this horribly loud grinding, mechanical noise. I stumbled out to the kitchen, half expecting to see a wall crumbling down, or something disastrous. Instead I saw John blending a blenderful of ice with orange juice. A most delicious, frothy concoction. The next sound I heard was Becca crying. Good morning everyone!