Sunday, December 28, 2008

The Suckiest Part of Pilot Wifery

INTERNETS! Where ARE you? Come back. I've been stuck in my house ALONE for FOUR DAYS with only two children to talk to. And one of them doesn't talk yet (he's actually the easier to be stuck with). And NOBODY is around. I have read Every. Single. Post. in my reader. I have read EVERYTHING on the Internet. Every-Damn-Thing. There is nothing left for me. Can you hear me moaning piteously?

Where is everyone? What are you doing out there? I know you are all carousing, or eating, drinking and being merry. Sitting around fireplaces with glasses of wine, surrounded by family. I hate you.

Meanwhile, I am about to lose my ever-lovin' mind because I am all out of D Batteries. Now, normally, it wouldn't be such a horrible thing to be out of D Batteries. But, the baby swing. The baby swing eats them. And the fucking baby swing ran out of them at 5:42 a.m. this morning when Mamma REALLY needed to sleep a bit more (because we were UP every 2 hours) and baby really wasn't so sure about that. And, the baby swing is still out of them right now when I really wish we were napping but WE AREN'T because... THE SWING DAMMIT.

John was supposed to get back home around noon. But got re-routed (I'm looking at you fucked-up weather system) and now won't return until after 11 p.m. tonight. And, let me tell you, after four days, I had the countdown running to noon today. The countdown is NOT allowed to progress any further. That is just against the rules.

I have actually started purging the house. And that is usually not a good sign. I hope nobody around this bitch is attached to ANYTHING. Because it just might be out in the back of my car in the giant, towering "donate" pile.

10 comments:

Justine said...

Not to rub it in, but... Tomorrow evening we will be sitting around the dinner table with your parents and grandparents and Grandma Jo and we will hoist a glass (or 2 or 3 or maybe even 4) in honor of all our family members that are spread out across the country. And yes, motherhood is exactly like being pecked to death. Just today Sarah was complaining that we don't spend enough time together - but when I asked her to help with some housework so that I would have a little more free time you would have thought I asked her to gouge out her eyes!!

Jen said...

That is the worst. When they are supposed to be home, and then are late for a reason beyond anyone's control. Is it snowy and icy there?

Just so you know, we don't have a fireplace, and we are all out of red wine. I drank it all after a series of tantrums thrown by 2 young children. Hmph.

Tracy said...

AMEN, AMEN, A-freakin-MEN! RETAIL THERAPY IS IN ORDER! I hope your evening is better!

MaryB said...

Another "AAAA--MEEN!!!" from over here!

Well said. you manange to write about it without sounding whiny. When I try to write about stuff like this I just sound like a total bee-yotch.

I havent been writing because I cant find ANY time...the ingle parent of children at Christmas...so much to do. and, becuase i am once again one-track minded and you dont want me to bore you and eeryone else to death with my sudden real-estate and moving woes...

tell me when youare settling in for a loevely glass and Ill make sure I do the same- it will be a "virtual" happy hour!

Oh, and are you on facebook? It helps - so many old friends to find, pictures to peruse and snarky comments to make! (if you are on facebook then friend me already!)

Cheryl said...

There should be a law against not being home when you are expected! Especially when you leave a loving wife/mother at home alone with children.....that can turn into something worse than nap rage! And to make you feel better. I am still pregnant, unable to hoist a glass of wine and barely able to bend over to pick something up off the floor. SO, though I may have my loving family here.......I'm no picnic right now. Hang in there! Oh--econo packs of batteries are wonderful!

Lysandra said...

Holy shit. Valium.

molly said...

Oy. Can someone bring you some D batteries? Totally understand the utter NECESSITY of The Great Swing. We were completely swing dependent for 6 months. Hang in there!!!

Angela said...

I love your honesty! Gotta hate those re-routes. I am ok until 1 minute after I thought he might be home. Even on a normal day. Hope today went better.

Swistle said...

Out of D batteries??? OMG! That happened to us once. *shudder*

I am unable to post because I am drinking wine all day long to endure my masses and masses of loud, giddy, poorly-trained children.

Lost in Space said...

Danger Will Robinson