Saturday, December 27, 2008

Musings....on Motherhood

I often feel that I am challenged just trying to make it through the day. Motherhood is often like being pecked to death. It starts the minute everyone wakes up in the morning--the constant, immediate and persistent needs. The seemingly nonstop parade of little emergencies. Someone just peed on the floor and someone else needs to eat. RIGHT NOW! And more than once a day, when the whining reaches it's peak, I feel like stabbing my own eyes out with a hot-searing poker. Oh yes. I do.

But, for the first time I actually feel content to be a full-time mother. I'm not here fantasizing about being somewhere else. I've accepted what I'm doing. Although, I do find mothering to be the hardest job I've ever had (and I've had some hard jobs, one involving hard hats and steel-toed boots and drill rigs, so I'm not a total pansy.) But this job. This job is hard. Not hard in an intellectually challenging way. Not hard in a physical exhaustion way. Hard in a frustrating, please-do-not-touch-that-how-many-times-do-I-have-tell-you-that? kind of way. Also: does anyone know how to get the smell of urine out of a couch cushion?

And yet...I'm aware at how fast they grow up. I'm glad I'm doing this. Most days I am content. And lately I've been even more content than ever, which is weird, considering the chaos level is much higher now. I guess I am just more cognizant of how fast time goes. Of how precious these days are with my babies.

So, in summary--I am here, going crazy some days, but glad that I'm here. Glad for the opportunities I have to see my children grow. Glad that I have finally accepted this "season" of my life for what it is. I'm trying to grasp what matters (like playing princess castle) and trying to let go of what doesn't (like a clean house, or unlimited showering and primping time, like in days past.) And now...motherhood calls. Another diaper needs changing. Another mouth needs feeding. Some children need bribing to pose for more unsuccesful photos....

11 comments:

Cheryl said...

Oh Katie, I SO needed to read that today. Right now I am fighting this phase of my life. Maybe it's the hormones and inability to sleep. Maybe it's the fact that my hands are randomly going numb at this last month of the pregnancy. I'm not sure. Know I wasn't this not accepting of what is about 8 months ago. Still, you are right. It is a precious moment, yes moment, in our lives and will be gone all too swiftly. If I can just manage to let go of the not important things (yes, that includes a clean house) and embrace the beauty and blessings I have the honor of being a part of every single day! Thanks for the reminder!

Angela said...

It's the second child. The more you have the faster time goes by. With each additional child (for me) time seems to speed by. Now, I relish in their moments. I get excited about anything they find exciting (like blowing a bubble), and I find myself staring at them. I sware I got more relaxed with being a "Mommy" with the second child. And now with 4 (no more), even though I love "me" time, the best part of my day is seeing them wake up (unless it is too early)!

lisa said...

Excellent post. I wish I had someone to remind me of this more often.

The Quinn Report said...

I'll have to refer back to this post mmmmm....probably on a daily basis! I'm in constant need of reassurance from other mommies!

The "letting my house go" is what I struggle with the most. I feel like such a slacker if I don't have it up to par; but when I do, then I feel like I failed my children because I spent the entire day cleaning. I just want to be able to have my cake and eat it too!!!!!!

Jen said...

Say it, girl! I love this post. And it's SO great that you have embraced this part of your life. Can you please give me some insight? I am a bit like Cheryl right now; I know this is because I am pregnant and every time I am pregnant I wish and dream for days where I get up and go to work, someplace outside of my home. But children are priceless and it's good to remember how fast time goes by.

MaryB said...

Be careful - when I reached this point in my life...well, I caved and got a minivan. Truth be told, i still love it. The van, the life, all of it. At some point I quit trying to qualify to myself and to everyone else that I was stll smart and capable despite being a SAHM. Now, these days, if you arent smart enough to see it for yourself, then I fugure you arent smart enough to hang with me anyways! I tink it was really really hard for me because I was very oung and had not had a career to "prove myself" first...

And you are so right -the time goes by faster and faster with every year older they become...

Great, great post!

MommyK said...

I feel like this a lot. Being a mom is either a fantastic, wonderful, ecstatically happy thing for me....or it totally sucks. Most days are the happier version, but the sucky days are hard to get through, especially when I have more than one in a row. At times like that, I have to remind myself that they will only be little for such a short time...

MaryB said...

My lovely habit of typing really, really fast and not editing really adds a special ironinc element to a comment regarding perceived intelligence, doncha think?

Its kinda like this one "special" time at Thanksgiving dinner when I was saying less-than-nice things aboout a wife in the squadron being not very bright and announced to the table that she "was no Robert Einstein!" To this day, everyone at that table calls me Robert.

Natalie said...

Great post, Katie, you said it!

For me, I go through stages. Along with the kids. When Olivia goes though a tough stage, I hate almost every second of it. The whining, crying, screaming, telling me "NO!," middle-of-the-night begging for more water, waking up every morning crying, etc. stage.

Other stages, are calmer, more reasonable stages. It's those days, weeks or months, that I embrace it with all my heart and think about a third baby....then, eventually, I find myself snapping at a certain daughter, loud enough for everyone two aisles down to hear...and I think maybe a third baby would be stupid.

Always, I am aware of how fast it's all going by. When I stop to think about that, I am able to laugh a little more, sigh a little less and have a lot more fun.

Dad said...

Your kids are a wonder - what a blessing!

Angie said...

I also go through phases where I think it is great and other phases where it isn't. If I try to get too much done or keep the house clean or something, I hate it more. I feel like I don't spend enough time with the kids, and they are more whiney and needy.

I'm glad that you are enjoying things right now.