Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Laid Back? or Lazy?

It has just dawned on me that I think I've let myself go. Not in the usual way. Well, maybe a little in the usual way. I do often have baby slime on my shirts. And I go way too long without having my eyebrows waxed. And my clothing is all a few years out of date and I eat too many chicken nuggets and french fries. And sometimes (okay, often) I go out in public looking like a drowned rat. But, mostly I've let myself go in another way.

A big part of me has died. The part that was on top of things and uptight and anal. I am really no longer anal at all (unless you count the germaphobe stuff, which I don't because that is just common sense, really.)

I have become....I'm scared to say this....but I think I have become.... laid back.

I know. Take a minute to let that sink in.

I would take a picture of what is going on around me, but I can't find the camera. And, even if I did take a picture, I'm too lazy to upload it. Trust me when I tell you that I am in the middle of a swirling dervish. I just can't continue to care about certain things when they are so unattainable. Things like returning library books on time. Keeping track of where the bills are. Filing papers. Folding laundry. Wiping giant chocolate fingerprints off cabinets and walls. Sweeping up stepped-on Goldfish crackers. Planning anything in advance.

Or, I can be on top of it for a few days. And all is well. But soon everything descends back into chaos. It still annoys me, but I'm not uptight enough to do anything about it. I don't worry about small things as much as I used to. I just can't. Actually, I can't really worry about the big stuff anymore either (except illnesses. We don't want to talk about how much time I spend worrying about that.)

Things that would have driven me mad a few years ago just sort of roll-off my back now. I do a lot of shrugging and saying "whatever." Who is this person who has invaded my body? Do I like her? I'm not sure.

7 comments:

Angie said...

I vote for laid back! I realize that I could spend every day just cleaning, there is certainly plenty to do. But, there is only so much of my time that I am willing to spend on cleaning. I'd rather quilt or read blogs.

Jen said...

Same here, same here, mostly. I would still say I am a type A, but more of a faltering one than a gung-ho one. There just isn't TIME. And I can't be bothered.

And because this comment is all about me, I'll make another personal observation: having a future goal (half marathon in Dec) to strive for has helped me at least TRY to achieve something.

But it's good for us type A's to let go a little, right? I'm sure our kids are better for it. Surely they must be. God, I hope so.

Grammy Bonnie said...

We like her either way.

Marie Green said...

I think this is the gift of motherhood- the loosening up, the learning to enjoy the less-than-perfect aspects of life with little ones, the NOT needing things to BE perfect all the time.

I am a happier and nicer person since I've started on my own journey of letting go of control. I mean, I still like control, but I don't have to control everyone and everything ELSE. AND I can recognize when it's appropriate to be in charge and when it's ok to be laid back.

lisa said...

Yes.

I have such a new appreciation for having a dog who cleaned up the floors for me. Now that Im the one cleaning.....I started out sweeping after every meal....then it was twice a day.....then it was once at the end of the night. Im so so so (cry) so tired of sweeping up smashed crackers and globs of mashed banana and dried up green beans. I contemplate having the mama-san come more than once a month but then I think about how *more than once a month* I have to clean up ALL the clutter so she can actually clean. Did you get that??...its too much effort to pick up for the CLEANING LADY. If that isn't lazy I don't know what is.

Angela said...

I say your laid back! I feel the same way though. I went to the store today and caught a glimpse of myself in the window. It scared me.

Anonymous said...

Nothing like motherhood to adjust your perspective about what's really, really important. And nothing like having 75 guests invited for a 100th birthday party to turn a laid-back housekeeper into an uptight perfectionist. Hope I'll be relaxed by the time the party starts!

Glad to hear that Toad is Free! He/she needs some time to acclimate to the winter weather and find a hiberating place. If you want a pet, maybe a Beta fish. They don't do much either, but they are very pretty. They're easy to care fore if you remember to change the water every week or two -- and use rain water (not chlorinated).
Love,
(Great) Aunt Linda